'I saw my dad hit my mum. It changed my life forever'

Singaporean filmmaker Ng Yiqin recently directed a short film for Viddsee, a Singapore-based platform that specialises in short premium content. The short film, ‘Something I Wanted To Ask’ deals with family violence in Singapore, the issue of toxic masculinity, and its impact on children.
In the film, a teenager struggles to understand the relationship between his abusive father and his mother, while coming to grips with what it really means to be a man.
Here are some disturbing stats on violence against women in Singapore:
We asked filmmaker Ng Yiqin more about ‘Something I Wanted To Ask’, why she chose to make it, and on whether films can influence society to change for the better. Read on.
Ng Yiqin: It started as a creative exercise – I was excited to write a violent drama due to the novelty of it. However, the characters I first wrote were unrealistic and stereotypical; I had to research more.
I was quite surprised by how easy it was to access persons who experienced domestic abuse. The prevalence of it troubled me so I tried my best to write a more layered story through the perspective of a teenage boy.
As a young person, his views would be mostly unformed and fluid, so it would be a great starting point to look at very polarising issues of what it means to be a man and how it affects the people around him.
Ng Yiqin: If kids grow up knowing their parents hit or verbally abuse each other, violence and lack of respect is normalised. In the film, I want to discuss the dangers of normalised violence and how it affects kids.
Ng Yiqin: I wanted to understand the relationship dynamics between power and balance, so I reached out to acquaintances who had lived experience of domestic violence and spoke at length about the motivations and struggles of their relationship. I was first surprised at how easy it was to access such persons.
There was a memorable story about a lady who stayed in a harrowing relationship for ten years, and it was surprising to me that victims continue to stay in abusive relationships. Through further conversations I tried to understand these struggles and found that I dived into a very complex web.
My short film is thus only a very tiny peek at the complexities of such relationships.
Ng Yiqin: Definitely. Film as art is a mirror to our humanity and it can spark conversations about who we are and where we are headed towards.
Even though films are often subjective, we can use these insights as a starting point to change.
Ng Yiqin: Toxicity comes in all shapes and sizes and the film only touches on a small aspect of this.
In the film, I wanted to draw parallels between the bullies in the locker room and the bully at home and signal how our environments shape us. If we are not aware, we might eventually succumb to what our environment dictates.
Ng Yiqin: In the film, the father (Ernest) actually holds a degree of respect and influence in Andy’s eyes despite their disagreements on issues.
Similarly, Andy still looks up to him and hungers for the father-son closeness even till the end of the film.
Ng Yiqin: My dad felt like one of the more progressive fathers around as he acknowledges that my mother did not have as many opportunities as she deserved while growing up. He makes sure that we know this and we appreciate what she has done for our family.
As a kid, I developed a love for reading and writing as I fondly remember the books gifted to me by my father.
He is a father who shows his love through actions rather than words, so when my mother protested that my 20-year-old self was too young to be backpacking around, he encouraged me and even snuck me more pocket money!
Ng Yiqin: I’ve heard people throw words like ‘be a man’, ‘man up’, ‘don’t be a sissy’ and I’m guilty of that too. So, what does it really mean to be a man? Who gets to decide?
There are so many facets to identity and I’ve only scratched the surface. If we teach our kids that it’s ok to use derogatory words, to consume porn that objectifies women, to look the other way when offensive statements are veiled as jokes, maybe it’s not that surprising that bullying and domestic violence are so prevalent.
There are a thousand questions and that’s the beauty of film. Life is not just black and white right?
There’s so much in between that we can dive in and explore. For example, is Mum a victim? How can she be a victim if she seems to be so verbally aggressive in their quarrels?
Then again, maybe if she bit her tongue, she wouldn’t be in this state? It allows us to interpret the same scene in so many ways and through Andy’s questions, we all can hold a mirror to ourselves and ask if we have been a part of the problem or the solution.
Thank you, Ng Yiqin for taking the time out for this interview.
Catch ‘Something I Wanted To Ask’ here.
Meanwhile, here are some things you can do if you find yourself in an abusive relationship:
For immediate advice or help, call:
In the event that a life is in danger, call the Police at 999 immediately.
Please call ComCare on 1800 222 0000 to be connected to the nearest centre.
These Family Service Centres specialise in counselling related to family violence:
The following parties can apply for a Protection Order if they are facing family violence
In Singapore, a PPO can be applied for in the Family Court in person or through a Family Lawyer for ease and peace of mind. Protection Orders are not available to protect parties in non-marital intimate relationships.
In the event that a life is in danger, call the Police at 999 immediately.
This article was first published in theAsianparent.