'Afraid to face what was happening at home': Tosh Zhang talks about struggles in teenage years and prioritising self-care

For local actor-musician Tosh Zhang, memories of his teenage years brought sorrow to him.

"It was a dark period for my family and I felt helpless not being able to do anything about it," the 35-year-old wrote in an Instagram post yesterday (July 2).

Tosh shared that he "yearned for a happy family" and when he could not find it at home, he looked for it among close friends who shared the same passion for breakdancing as him, often staying up late or out to practise with them.

"I was afraid to face what was happening at home. Avoiding the pain and chucking it aside seemed to help at the time, but neglecting my inner child's sorrow manifested into my mental health deteriorating as I grew into a young adult," he added.

Tosh revealed on local TV host Quan Yi Fong's talkshow Hear U Out in 2021 that he had been fighting depression since signs of it surfaced in 2016 and it stemmed from childhood trauma that had happened around 2006.

He shared then: "My parents fought very badly and often. I felt very scared whenever I reached home. My younger sister would cry and I felt I had to be strong. If I also broke down, I think the whole family would collapse with my mum and sister crying and my father in a bad state."

Tosh added at the time that when he thought about his past, he couldn't control himself and would cry "non-stop" and had wanted to "jump off a building".

When he was undergoing treatment from a psychologist, he had to be hospitalised a few times as he couldn't feel sensations on his face and arms during each depressive episode. His doctor thought that it could be an impending stroke.

He added then that although he had gotten better, he felt it was very difficult to recover from depression.

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In his latest post, Tosh shared that he has realised the importance of self-care, prioritising his well-being and letting go of the past.

He has also found happiness in the "simplest of moments", one of which was to spend time with his dog on walks.

"Watching her stroll happily, hearing the birds chirp and the trees lightly rustling in the breeze brings me peace. I hope you have also found what brings you joy and if you are still searching, please don't ever give up, for beyond the storm awaits comforting sunshine," he said.

At the end of his post, Tosh shared that Geneco is working with Beyond the Label, a mental health anti-stigma movement by the National Council of Social Service, to spotlight the importance of the mental wellness of our nation this National Day.

In support of their programmes, Geneco will be donating $10,000 upon hitting 1 million streams for Singaporean musician Sherman Zhuo's new song Endless Shine on Spotify and YouTube.

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yeo.shuhui@asiaone.com

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