Even after many years, the pain of a miscarriage lingers.
Lim Peifen opened up about her own experience with Rebecca Lim on the latest episode of the latter's talk show, With Love, Becks.
In the episode which aired Monday (Dec 2) evening, the 41-year-old former Yes 933 radio DJ turned newscaster shared that she had suffered the pregnancy loss in 2019 before conceiving again and giving birth to her second son in 2020.
"[After our first child was born] I really wanted a second child, so we kept trying. I was finally pregnant again after about four years. But I miscarried after 11 weeks," she said.
Peifen added that the experience has had a lasting impact on her, as she still remembers how she felt at the time.
"You will always carry that grief with you. Even as I think back on it now, I still recall how I felt, the discomfort I went through, and that sense of hopelessness," she tearily shared.
While coping with her loss, she discovered the stories of others who also went through the experience and realised that she is "not alone". "There are people who understood how I felt," said Peifen.
She added that during the difficult period, she found support through a good friend who had shared a similar experience.
"It's this mutual support, perhaps woman-to-woman, since we can empathise with each other without putting it into words, that we have to give each other strength and positive energy," said the mother-of-two.
It was only a year later in 2020 that Peifen, who has been married to computer engineer Lie Wei Xiang since 2014, publicly shared her experience in an Instagram post.
She said then that she'd discovered she was bleeding a day before her gynae appointment and when she and Wei Xiang rushed to the gynae, they discovered that the foetus had "no heartbeat".
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"In a flash, all our joy and hope was gone. I felt grief like never before. Shock, then anger, and then sorrow. I wanted to sink into my own darkness and weep. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live either," Peifen wrote in her post.
She also shared that she had to endure a great amount of physical pain as her body did not expel the foetus fully and she had to take pills to expedite the process, which led to cramps and more bleeding.
Peifen found consolation in a message she received from her friend later and ended her post with: "If you are going through or have been through something similar, please know that you are not alone. And it is nothing to be ashamed of. And you can grieve. And you can cry (or not). And you will find solace. And when you can finally see light through the tears, you will be stronger, better, kinder."
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