'I felt so guilty': Cha Eun-woo reveals having conflicted emotions after Astro member Moonbin's death

South Korean star Cha Eun-woo released his first solo album Entity recently, and in a show telecast yesterday (May 8), he revealed that he wrote the song Where Am I while thinking about his fellow Astro member, the late Moonbin.

"Last year was a very difficult year for me. I wrote the lyrics for my recent album and I really wanted to say the things I was holding in my heart," said the 27-year-old on the latest episode of Yoo Jae-suk and Jo Se-ho's talk show You Quiz on the Block.

"Day and night, I would film, write and try recording from Moonbin's perspective."

While holding back tears, Eun-woo, whose real name is Lee Dong-min, added: "People forgot (about what happened) too easily and that made me sad too. On days like that I thought, 'What would be a meaningful way for him to be remembered?'"

Moonbin was found dead in his home on April 19 last year. The cause of death was ruled to be a suicide. According to media reports, Eun-woo was in the US at the time and flew back immediately to attend the funeral.

He recalled bawling while writing the lyrics and said that he still can't sing the song.

"I felt so guilty. When I ate, I wondered if it was okay for me to eat. When I slept, I wondered if I deserved to sleep well," he shared.

"Moonbin appears in my dreams sometimes. The dreams are varied, sometimes we're at the gym and sometimes we're in the recording studio. It's different each time."

The lyrics of Where Am I talks about the sadness and longing that comes with missing someone. In the last line of the song, Eun-woo sings: "I'll see you again."

'I don't want to say that I'm okay'

On the times people ask him if he's okay, Eun-woo said he would feel conflicted.

"I don't want to say that I'm okay and I also don't want to say that I'm not okay," he told Jae-suk.

"I think the reason I felt nervous about being on You Quiz on the Block might be because I don't want to look okay and I don't want to not look okay either."

He also talked about how he's "working hard" to "do better and live better".

Looking up and pointing to the sky, Eun-woo remarked: "I think that's what Moonbin would want."

Ending the segment about Moonbin with a message to him, Eun-woo said with a shaky voice: "Bin-ah, are you doing well? I miss you. I'll do the things I can on your behalf. Don't worry and let's meet again."

Astro member Yoon San-ha posted a clip of the message on his Instagram Story with the caption: "You're seeing this right? I miss you a lot."

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