'I'm already stocking up clothes for her': Desmond Tan gets ready to be a dad

Becoming one of the Singapore's most sought-after actors wasn't always on the cards for Desmond Tan.

For those who've never heard him croon — he's got some serious pipes — it might be surprising to find out he was actually an aspiring musician. "I didn't think about venturing into acting as a craft," he tells BT Luxe, adding that he'd even formed a boy band, Angelboyz ("with a z", he clarifies).

After auditioning for the inaugural season of Project SuperStar in 2005, Tan caught the attention of producers, who invited him to audition for Star Search after he'd completed his National Service.

"That was just before I went to university, when I had a break of a few months; I decided to go ahead, and the rest is history."

Through the looking glass

Suave, polished and always dapper, one might find it difficult to believe Tan's a heartland boy at heart.

He grew up in Tanglin Halt, one of the first public housing estates in Singapore. "All the people I was hanging out with were much older than me — and I don't mean older teens, I mean uncles and aunties," he muses. "That shaped my perspective on life. I think I had a glimpse of adulthood more than most youngsters my age."

He later moved to Jurong, where he — with the rest of Angelboyz — regularly performed at community events. It was here, in his teenage years, and amid the city-state's rapid transformation, that he formed a more complete picture of Singapore's culture.

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"I've seen people recovering from addiction, stubborn diabetics who've had their legs cut off because they insisted on consuming sugar… I've (also) seen those who made it, and even the super-rich, Ferrari Club people."

And, while acting may not have been his first love, he's certainly grown into the shoes of a true-blue actor. His breakthrough role was as a rickshaw puller in the Mediacorp series A Song to Remember in 2011, for which he won his first Star Award.

"I think the stars aligned for me, four years in. That was when I fell in love with acting… It's only when you have a meatier role that you can indulge in performing."

He credits the people he grew up with for his ability to portray characters from the ultra-wealthy to the clinically insane. Citing his time living in Tanglin Halt and Jurong, he says he's formed a "meta-image" of all sorts of archetypes in his mind. "Whenever my co-actors say their characters don't exist in the real world, I think they do," he says.

Tan likens his acting method to a jigsaw puzzle, and it seems he's just about got all the pieces in order. "All these phases of my life started to make sense when I became an actor, because I could put it to good use."

Homeboy branches out

Since A Song to Remember, Tan has gone on to starring roles in both Mandarin and English-language shows; he's also branched out into fashion, working with luxury brands from Cartier to Dior.

Last January, he attended his first Men's Fashion Week in Europe, which further cemented his love for fashion. "It brought deeper meaning to just doing collaborations — you get to know the DNA of the brands better. It's not just wearing that fabric on your body, but embracing that centuries-old history."

"My dream is that, one day, people will want to understand our culture more, when media, tourism, and fashion can all come together as one (to drive it) — I think that will be very, very powerful."

On his growing repertoire, he says: "I think in recent years, it's become even harder to do TV. We're not only fighting with other local productions, we're up against international, multi-million-dollar productions."

Asked how the Singaporean media scene might differentiate itself from others in the region, Tan says it's all about culture. "A lot of locals don't know that we're very unique, and that we have our own culture as well."

Despite the city's seemingly ever-evolving face, he says one aspect of Singapore he loves that hasn't changed is its "rojak" nature. "Having people from different ethnicities come together to form a nation here — it's almost like a Big Bang."

Instead of aspiring towards or imitating other countries, he hopes there will be "more projects that showcase our history, our food". "My dream is that, one day, people will want to understand our culture more, when media, tourism, and fashion can all come together as one (to drive it) — I think that will be very, very powerful."

Ushering in the dragon

With 2024 now in full swing, Tan is looking forward to welcoming the Year of the Dragon.

"I have a lot of good memories of Chinese New Year," he says. Growing up in the 90s, before the advent of social media, the Spring Festival became a way for him to catch up with loved ones.

Tan's family "rituals" include shopping in Chinatown the night before Chinese New Year, and hosting his extended family. "My dad's the eldest in the family, so my house has always been like a headquarters," he explains.

As with many other families, these practices have come to evolve over time. "Maybe it's social media — we're more aware of what's going on in each other's lives now, so these meetups can feel not as significant."

Entering showbiz further changed the way he viewed Chinese New Year. "When I first joined the industry, as a junior, I had to report much earlier (for the annual shows), so I'd miss reunion dinners. I missed them for around 10 years. Chinese New Year, for me, (started to revolve) more around work… and for a good period of time I thought it was passe."

But the pandemic gave him a newfound appreciation for the annual celebrations. "Covid put a halt to everyone's lives, made everyone reflect… The lockdown put a lot of things into perspective for me, and helped me rethink my priorities."

For the upcoming festivities, Tan and his family intend to stick to what they do best — enjoying each other's company. "Spending time together and appreciating each other is so important, even if it's just for a day," he says.

Stork's on the way

The Year of the Dragon is set to be an exciting one for Tan. For one, he'll be welcoming his first child, a daughter.

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With her upcoming debut later this year, he thinks the "big topic" at this year's gathering will be family planning. "I'm sure all the parents will be sharing, and talking about their different schools of thought — so that'll be interesting."

He's no doubt excited about the idea of becoming a father. "I went to Paris a few months back, and the only thing I bought was for my baby — nothing for my wife, nothing for myself," he says. Ever the fashion lover, he's also started preparing outfits for his daughter. "I'm already stocking up clothes for her," he quips.

Of course, he's cognisant that fatherhood will mark a transition in life — and may even affect his career — but it's by no means a hurdle to him. "I'm learning every day, and enjoying my journey throughout this."

It's also helped him keep track of the little moments. "Maybe it's a 'new father' thing," he says, cracking up again. "As a non-parent, we think, 'what month is it' or 'what year is it', but now… we go by weeks. You need to break time down, and you learn to appreciate things even deeper."

And while he hasn't done too much in the way of preparing himself for fatherhood, he's got one thing on his mind: lullabies. "I think I can count the number of kids' songs I know on one hand," he says with a smirk.

Love and intentionality

The upcoming birth of Tan's daughter also means this Feb 14 will be the last Valentine's Day he spends with his wife as a couple.

While he and his wife have been together for more than a decade, he's never disclosed her identity. They married in a private ceremony in France, just over two years ago.

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Keeping the flame alive can be difficult when you're a jet-setting actor, with throngs of fans from as far as Europe. Despite this, he wasn't always into marking important dates on his calendar.

"It's such a gift to be in Singapore. Life is precious, just enjoy it."

"I used to not believe in special days — I didn't celebrate birthdays or anniversaries," he says. "The excuse I used then was that if two people are in love, every day is Valentine's Day."

But he's now leaned into the idea of celebrating "monthsaries", so he and his missus can stay intentional about spending quality time together.

"Even if we can't meet up for a good dinner on the exact day, we'll at least plan it a day earlier or later." The practice, he adds, is important so they continue to put each other first, even with a baby on the way. "Eventually, a kid will grow up, but that 18 or 25 years of lost time between parents can't be reclaimed."

Plans for this Valentine's Day aren't quite in the works, he adds — he's got to focus on Chinese New Year and the monthsary for January, after all. But he hopes more people here will take 2024 as a chance to slow down and take stock of things.

"It's such a gift to be in Singapore," he says, referencing the unrest in other parts of the world. "Life is precious, just enjoy it."

ALSO READ: Michelle Yeoh welcomes 'a little miracle' on New Year's Day

This article was first published in The Business Times.