'It's a ceremony': Why Xixi Lim talks to a toilet bowl when she's stressed

When local actress-host Xixi Lim was studying in a polytechnic more than a decade ago, she confronted a student who had mocked her size when the lift they were in was overloaded.

"In the lift, the person turned around and looked at me, so I told him, 'I came in first.' As he was going out, he muttered, 'Damn fat woman'," the 36-year-old told AsiaOne in an interview recently while promoting her latest drama The Blockbusters.

And Xixi is not to be taunted like that.

"I squeezed my way out of the lift, went after him and said, 'What do you mean by damn fat woman? You're very rude! You paid school fees, I never pay school fees is it? Or do you pay more? If you can enjoy the facilities, so can I'," she recounted to us.

So when Xixi, who plays shy dancer Bree with low self-confidence in the series, had to portray a similar lift scene in the drama but with a different outcome, it struck a chord in her.

"Bree is very different from me… she doesn't want to trouble anybody. If she had to trouble herself, such as making an additional trip, she would do it just so that no one would dislike her. I think she's a people-pleaser so that people will like her and she doesn't want to be outcasted," she shared.

The Blockbusters centres around four students from Why Dance Studio — Bree, Kira (Tay Ying), Izzy (Ng Meeki) and Nana (Kayly Loh) — who unexpectedly become viral sensations after posting a video online and debut as the first local plus-size girl group Team BB.

As they navigate being in the limelight together, the girls also experience ups and downs as a team, gaining support and pressures from fans and anti-fans, confronting mental health struggles and overcoming scandals.

'We can't do anything about other people's speech'

Xixi added she used to be more vocal with her thoughts and had the mentality that "if something is not right, I have to say it". While she didn't put it across in a rude manner, there were more than a few times when her mum and auntie would tell her to "please keep your mouth shut".

However, when it comes to negative comments from the public nowadays, Xixi shared that she has learnt to come to terms with it, albeit after a long time.

"I think the worst thing is that these things won't stop, they come every day. I get it so often to the extent that I know what kind of comments I'll get from haters if I post a fit check or a video of me sharing good food. I'm so used to it that sometimes I even ask myself, is it even good to get used to such comments?

"But we cannot stop others from saying what they want. And in fact, sometimes, I feel that all these people are maybe just a little bit lonely… Definitely when we read such comments, we will still feel hurt, but we can't do anything about other people's speech.

"This is life. In this world, you just can't be perfect. You have to tell yourself that you have to be ready for this battle if you want to be in this industry and put yourself in the limelight."

'I would tell myself, 'Gorgeous''

Instead of ruminating on negative comments, Xixi has learned self-love and focuses on people who love her. She shared that it also took her a while to appreciate her own beauty and herself, and on days when she feels "horrible", she would practise self-affirmation.

"If I walk past a mirror, I will tap my assistant and go, 'I think I am very beautiful' or when I finished dolling up, I would tell myself, 'Gorgeous'," she laughed.

Xixi added: "I guess a little boost like this, it's like feeding myself the energy and positivity that I need to sail through the entire day. I enjoy doing things like that."

She also shared with us her quirky way of relieving stress — by telling her troubles to a toilet bowl.

"I will always run to the toilet when I am feeling down or nervous because I need a space for me to clear my head. So one day, as I was sitting in the toilet, I thought to myself that I need to talk to somebody. So I just started talking and when I was done, I flushed it away and felt a lot better," Xixi said.

"It's actually nothing, but to me, it's a gesture or a ceremony for me to symbolise that I have flushed all my problems, unhappiness and bad vibes away. I feel a lot better when I walk through the door, like I'm a brand new person."

Creating a safe space for dancing

In The Blockbusters, Bree takes up new challenges by learning to dance and Xixi said they are similar in this aspect.

"Bree has given me a lot of encouragement, like a younger version of Xixi, to tell myself that sometimes if you don't try, you really won't know if you can do it or not. I have this mentality that if people give me something new, I will always say, 'Just try'. If I try and I fail, I know that this is not suitable for me. But if I try and I make it, then I have a new skill," she said.

And even before filming this drama, Xixi had actually opened her own dance studio BounXi Hippo Studio last September because she was motivated by her assistant Lynn, who had encouraged her to dance in their social media posts. In addition, Xixi also wanted to "create a safe space for people to come and be comfortable and do what they like".

"I want to let others know that it's okay to step out of your comfort zone and join us there, because we're open to all ages and sizes… A lot of times we don't dare to step into a dance class because everyone's so professional and we're not sure if people will judge us," she added.

'I had quite a few breakdowns during the drama'

Xixi also told us that when discussing her role and the drama with the production team before filming, she was told that they would be doing TikTok dances, but it turned out to be a lot more than that.

"We have locking, popping and contemporary dance. I think I had quite a few breakdowns during filming because I couldn't keep up with their progress," she admitted.

The drama was filmed between April and July this year, and the four actresses had to perform 20 dances together. To ensure that she was prepared for filming, Xixi said she recorded the training process and studied each move at home, adding that if others took two hours to learn, she would probably take six hours.

While it was tough, playing Bree has helped Xixi to better understand herself as she is also finding out what more she can do.

"Let's discover together. I'm like a discovery channel," she chuckled.

The Blockbusters is now available on demand for free on Mewatch and premieres today (Nov 6) at 9pm on Channel 8 with new episodes every weekday.

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yeo.shuhui@asiaone.com

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