'Just a manufactured product': G.E.M. recounts mental abuse by ex-label, wanted to leave suicide note

Stardom isn't easy, especially for a girl just starting out.

Hong Kong singer G.E.M. might be one of the most well-known celebrities in Asia right now, but the road to fame hadn't been the smoothest journey for her.

In fact, the media scrutiny — particularly after she got embroiled in a scandal during the third season of Chinese singing competition I Am A Singer in 2015 — was so bad that she thought of leaving behind a suicide note to prove that she was innocent.

At that time, the 29-year-old was widely criticised for being a "diva" for refusing to change her song choice.

In an episode of the Chinese talkshow Shede Wisdom Talents that aired on Tuesday (Oct 27), she explained that she was willing to change but was instead instructed by her former record label not to bow down to the TV station's request. 

As a result of their instructions, she found herself on the receiving end of 80,000 abusive online comments, and locked herself at home and cried for a week. 

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While she's since filed a lawsuit against her former label following her request to terminate her contract with them, the scars still remain.

G.E.M. choked up in the middle of the talkshow as she recounted the "mental abuse" she suffered under them.

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"For many years I felt — and [my then-agency] had always told me the same — that I was just a manufactured product," she said, blinking back tears. "And I was a product that, without them, was nothing.

"I was terrified that I wasn't enough, terrified that I wasn't worth anything. For most of my years, I believed that I was nothing without music."

Their comments eroded at her confidence and over time, she found herself growing emotionally and physically exhausted. At one point in time, she suspected she was suffering from depression and sought help from a psychiatrist. 

She learnt she had been suffering from "mental abuse" from her agency. However, as her lawsuit with the agency has yet to reach a conclusion, G.E.M. didn't speak more about it.

Now, looking back at the past tumultuous year, G.E.M. seems to have found some of her courage again.

"If my purpose in creating music is to influence others, why should I be afraid of standing up and protecting myself? It's only by answering this question that I'm able to find my confidence again."

rainercheung@asiaone.com