PUBLISHED ONAugust 14, 2024 3:15 AMByYeo Shu HuiWhen you are having a hard time in life, sometimes all you need is the comfort of a loved one.
For Xenia Tan, two people immediately come to her mind — her actor fiance Shawn Thia and her late grandma.
Speaking to AsiaOne recently to promote her new film Wonderland, the local actress, who is turning 30 this month, got candid about the tough times she faced in her life.
Xenia shared that her paternal grandma, who died in 2017, gave her solace when she was preparing for her A-Level examinations in 2012.
"I was very stressed, I didn't know whether my results would get me into any local university. I pressure myself a lot. It's never from anyone else," she said.
While the elderly woman couldn't give Xenia a direct solution to her worries, she offered comforting words, which the latter said took her years to understand.
"At that point of time… the A-Level exams were everything. It was that serious to me. But for my grandma, she just said very casually to me, 'Just try your best in your studies. If you failed, that's okay, just find a job. It's okay,'" Xenia recalled.
"Now that I'm older, I feel like because she was from the Pioneer Generation, she went through a lot and had a lot of life experiences. She understood that it's okay to fail, as long as we tried our best and as long as we tried our best, we shouldn't blame ourselves."
Xenia added that while she didn't get her grandma's intention then, it provided her with some relief, that "everything will be okay".
And it did turn out okay, as she got into the National University of Singapore and graduated in 2017.
Remembering the times that Xenia spent with grandma, such as visiting the latter's home weekly, Xenia shared that she still thinks about her often when celebrating good times in her life.
"My grandma had such a peaceful and nurturing energy. In fact, a lot of happy moments that I celebrate now, sometimes I would think of her and just wish that I could tell her."
While Xenia's grandma had not met Shawn before, she would be glad to know that her granddaughter has found happiness with him.
"He's a rock in my life," Xenia, who has been engaged to Shawn since 2022, told us.
She added that the 28-year-old has an "optimistic" personality, which is different from her because she gets into a "high-functioning problem-solving mode" when she faces difficulties.
"Whenever he faces an obstacle, he would always think, 'I just need to get through it'. He knows that everything will be okay eventually and I take some time to own this optimism," Xenia said.
"I think having someone who is very optimistic and very assuring feels like a rock to me. I know that I can tell him everything and there is always an opposite energy coming back to me."
Xenia added that Shawn is also very rational and patient, and always willing to think things through with her.
She also revealed that when she got her first anxiety attack in 2022, Shawn, whom she had been dating for more than a year then, was the one by her side.
Xenia shared: "I didn't know that I was carrying so much burden within myself… I didn't realise until my body reacted. We could be eating and, I don't know how else to explain it, but I thought I was having a stroke because I couldn't feel my face at all.
"When I breathed, I felt like I couldn't get enough air into my body. It was difficult to breathe and my hands would be in a claw position and I couldn't naturally release it.
"At that point, Shawn was very calm and I just remember how he held my hand and pushed my hand out of the claw position slowly and just talked to me and distracted me so that my body could stop reacting that way."
She is better now, adding: "I'm stronger now! I'm fearless!"
In Wonderland, Xenia plays Eileen, whose father Loke (Mark Lee) lies to her by selling their kampung house and moving into a one-room flat so that she could study in the United States.
Loke, who is a single father and illiterate, forms a friendship with his neighbour Tan (Peter Yu) after the latter helps him to read letters from Eileen and pen his replies. When a tragedy strikes, Tan and their neighbours seek to hide the truth from Loke, and their web of lies soon spirals out of control.
Wonderland, which picked up the Local Jury Award at the Palm Springs International Film Festival in January, is now showing in cinemas.
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