PUBLISHED ONMarch 25, 2025 9:34 AMByYeo Shu HuiWhile local actress Shirli Ling seems to have it all now being a successful businesswoman with a blissful family life, there was once a time when she faced severe adversity.
The 36-year-old, who starred in Jack Neo's Ah Girls Go Army films, spoke about her three troubled relationships in the latest episode of YouTube talk show R U Okay? which was released on Sunday (March 23).
Shirli explained that she met her first husband — her "first love" — at 15 years old and dropped out of school after she became pregnant. They had their second child the following year. The children, both sons, are now aged 19 and 18.
She also worked full-time to support the family but the couple faced financial difficulties and frequently fought over money.
"We had already fought to the extent that both of us felt very tired. When we were both so tired, there was no love anymore… I really wanted to have a divorce, but I didn't have the money to do that. In the end, we didn't apply for a proper divorce procedure," she told hosts Charlene Huang, Mayiduo and Johnathan Chua.
After leaving her husband, she began a new life and had a boyfriend, but soon received some bad news.
"[My husband] committed suicide. I was shocked too and became a widow," Shirli revealed as she teared up.
She added her family would scold her for beginning a new relationship when she was not officially divorced: "To other people, they would see you as an adulteress forever and fault you for it."
Her mother, who was a hawker, also became the subject of gossip by others at the market where she worked.
Shirli said it took her a few years to let go of the trauma, as she was constantly reminded of it by those who knew about the matter.
With her experiences, she shared that whenever she meets someone who is also facing difficulties because of past mistakes, she would always tell them: "Don't care how people look at you and continue to walk forward."
While working in a club as a dancer and selling alcohol, Shirli met her second partner who was a cashier there.
"To me, since I already had two children, if there was someone who was good and wanted me, I should just accept it. That was the mindset that my mum gave me, so my thoughts then were, if someone wanted me, I shouldn't wait anymore and shouldn't be asking for more. At that point, I had no expectations for my life," she said.
She had her third child, now 14, less than a year into their relationship and she married the man later on, but their marriage didn't last long because of their differences.
Shirli recalled the man left his job as a cashier to work as a property agent, hoping to earn more money. However, instead of going out to find clients, he stayed at home, leaving her as the sole breadwinner of the family.
When she finally brought up divorce, her then-husband agreed to it. She felt "relieved and happy" because she had been struggling to provide for the family while not receiving any affection from him.
"But we didn't have money to divorce legally, so I just left it as it is," she added.
Shirli only applied for a divorce about five years after their separation, when she had her fourth child with her third partner and they had considered marriage.
She shared: "At that point, I was thinking if this man (her third partner) could accept my children, be stable and buy a home, then I would settle for him. I don't care how he's like outside.
"At that time, I wanted to give my children a stable life. We needed a home because my children weren't staying with me. If I had a home, my children could come and live with me."
However, they didn't get married in the end because the man wanted her to cut off contact with her children.
Shirli recounted: "I told him that was impossible as the father of my first two sons had died and my third child's father wasn't in Singapore. If I didn't want them, they are no different from orphans.
"My children are a part of me. It wasn't easy for me to give birth to them and I cannot abandon them. So I told him I could give in to anything, because I knew he was a playboy back then… But I couldn't accept that he didn't want my children."
The man also wanted her to abort their child, but Shirli couldn't bear to do it as she treasures life.
"At that time, since I already have three children, having one more didn't make any difference. I would just need to provide a bit more rice, vegetables and one more egg. That's life to me," she said.
With her mother's support, she gave birth to her fourth child — a daughter — and raised her children alone.
Later, Shirli also went to court to seek child support from her third partner for their daughter but they couldn't come to an agreement on the amount in the first session.
During the period before their second meeting, he asked Shirli for a reconciliation, which she agreed to because she wanted her children to have a father.
However, less than a month after making up, she got "beaten up" by him when he visited them at their rental flat.
Shirli recounted: "He pinned me to the wall. A neighbour heard the noises and... came into my home quickly and separated us. At that moment, I told myself, I don't want [this relationship] anymore."
She also gave up on their negotiation for child support and it was set at the amount which the man had suggested in the first court session. Their daughter is now 12.
Thankfully, Shirli has found her happily-ever-after and she has been with her current husband for more than a decade.
The couple also have another child aged nine, and Shirli's eldest son has a son, making her a grandmother when she was 34.
She shared previously that she would never encourage her children to have kids young, but since it had already happened, she would "teach them how to face it, how to decide, how to be responsible for [their] own actions".
Speaking to AsiaOne yesterday, Shirli told us that it took her a lot of courage to share her experiences.
"Whenever I talk about it, I feel like I am walking through that heartbreaking journey again. However, I want to encourage more women to stay strong for their children, as well as encourage young people to not get married young if they are not financially ready."
While many of the comments under the YouTube video applaud her for her strength, she told us she doesn't read them because she doesn't want to be affected.
"I don't care how people look at me. I am showing my children what I've created and overcome and how much I love them," she added.
After going through years of hardships, Shirli realised the best form of support comes from parental love.
"In life, you cannot always have what you want and wish for. But listen to your parents, they won't harm you. I didn't understand this until I became a mother myself and have children with teenage problems.
"I want to be a mother who is able to support my children with whatever they need, just like how my mother supported me and never gave up on me," she concluded.
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