10 Singaporean women reveal the moment they realised their husbands were 'The One'

We know that finding The One is not as easy as identifying the person who has appeared before us right out of our fantasies. While we search for Mr Right, oftentimes we can't help but wonder: How do you know when you've found The One?

The answers we tend to receive are usually along the vague and helpful lines of "When you know, you know." Um, thanks?

That phrase seems to imply that at a subconscious level we can just identify our future husband. But how is it possible that all the married women are just acting upon a very strong gut feeling?

If we look beyond the common notions of love and marriage perpetuated by movies and mainstream narratives, we might actually find a pattern.

We asked 10 women who married their partners in their twenties and early thirties, and while most of their answers went along the lines of, "It's hard to pinpoint one defining moment," their stories also boiled down to several recurring reasons: Unwavering support and companionship.

CLARISSA ENG AND MARC LOW

Together for: 5 years
Married for: 2 years

"I kinda knew he was The One when he told me he wanted to marry me on our first date. It was scary but also made me realise that he was definitely in this for the long run (and that if I wasn’t, I should run away!)"

LOUISE TAY AND NICHOLAS

Together for: 6 years
Married for: 3 years

"To me, The One is someone whom I can truly be myself with - through the good and the bad - and we can always share a good laugh or hug at the end of a long day. My husband and I still banter like kids at times - which is a little eye raising, considering that we are parents to a one-year-old now - but I think it helps to keep our love going and we know we've always got each other's backs."

TAMARA KISHA AND MAYANK DALAKOTI

Together for: 10 years
Married for: 3 years

"TBH, I don't actually believe there is such a thing as The One! Hate to be un-romantic but for me, it's all about timing, readiness of both parties, and having a similar outlook on life. You could meet multiple people in life that could be a great life partner, but you have to choose each other at the same time.

I first met Mayank at a university student union gathering. There was no spark - he was just one of the thirty people there. We chatted a bit, he asked me some questions about my name and the rest of the conversation was forgettable. A few days later we had a committee meeting, and I was late (as usual).

I sat at the back of the crowd and was craning my neck to see the presenting speaker, and I thought to myself, 'My goodness, why is it so hard to see? Oh! It's because of this boy with very broad shoulders blocking my view. Wait, those are really nice shoulders. Note to self: go talk to him later.'

Would it be superficial to say that was when I knew he was The One? (Laughs) As I got to know Mayank better, I found that we shared similar life experiences: we both come from families that moved a lot when we were kids (his dad is in the shipping industry, my dad is in aerospace), our immediate family lived in various countries and were exposed to different cultures, and we both cultivated a global outlook.

There must have been an exact instance in our early relationship when I decided that he was The One, but really it was the journey of getting to know one another that brought us to that moment."

PRISCILLA KHIU AND LORCAN DUFFY

Together for: 10 years
Married for: 3 years

"Lorcan loved asking me hard questions and one of the hardest questions was ‘What kind of work would make you happy every day?’ It was a very simple question but I struggled to answer. I was working in an architectural office and life was comfortable but not challenging.

He called me out on my ‘rut’, woke me up and encouraged me to take the road less travelled. After several hard knocks and fast forward to two years later, I've built my own interior design firm with him beside me the whole way. I knew he was The One because he was the only person that believed that I deserved better and could amount to so much more!"

RACHEL THIAN AND BRIAN LEE

Together for: 6 years
Married for: 2 years

“Before Brian, the relationships I had were tormenting to everyone involved. Then he walked into my life and filled it with love, laughter, simplicity, ease and peace.

As cliche as this sounds, he is truly my best friend and soulmate! I knew he was a man I could count on when he saw me through my ups and downs, never left my side. Never fails to keep me happy, in love and interested always. If I had to describe our relationship, it would be the best rom-com that never goes out of style!”

STEFFI GOH AND ETHAN NG

Together for: 11 years
Married for: 1 year

"There is no definite moment, but a myriad of reasons why he is The One.

1. His constant, unwavering support has been a great source of stability to me as we tackle life as a team.
2. His sense of humour. Life is never boring because he never fails to bring a smile to my face, and it helps that we genuinely enjoy each other’s company and have fun together no matter what we are doing.
3. His values and principles, which I share, have helped us build a foundation of trust and respect in our relationship."

ADA NG AND JOSEPH CHUNG

Together for: 6 years
Married for: 2 years

"I always thought that I would never be able to know for sure if my partner is The One. But later, I realised that it's the way he makes me feel. He's always there when I need him. He doesn't run away when things hit a bump in the road and he definitely knows me better than I know myself."

AILEEN ONG AND CLIFTON KOH

Together for: 10 years
Married for: 1 year

"We have known each other since we were 13 but only got together at 20, so we've known each other for almost our whole lives. Our personalities are poles apart but that's perhaps the reason we were attracted to each other.

He gives in to me in almost everything (except for having a cat at home). He is very family-oriented, has a dark sense of humour yet the kindest heart. He has been my best friend for the past 10 years, supporting me in everything. Most importantly, he is able to accept all my quirks and flaws and love me for who I am. That's how I know he's The One."

ALICIA TAN AND VANGA GANASAN

Together for: 2 years
Married for: 1 year

"How I knew that my husband was The One? Between us is an endless list of differences. The only similarity that matters is our commitment to work things out. Also, he is the first person who ever said this to me, 'You are my priority, not an option. Equal, not inferior.' And he means it!

The concept of equal is that we balance each other out, neither of us is better than the other. We learn from each other's perspectives and we're stronger together."

JADYN ANG AND CHAN GUODONG

Together for: 3 years
Married for: Almost 1 year

"My husband makes an effort to be close and bond with my family, especially my parents who are of age and need much support and love. He is patient when he listens to my vents, and handles the heat in our relationship with composure (I am the exact opposite, haha).

He does not expect me to change all my quirks and embraces them (always a mystery to me how he achieves this). Most importantly, I look forward to the end of the day to be home with him!"

This article was first published in CLEO Singapore.