9 steps to help your child deal with bullies

Dealing with bullies can be a difficult and stressful experience for children. As a parent, it’s important to be supportive and help your child navigate this challenging situation. Teach your child how to deal with bullies in a safe and effective way.

Bullies are everywhere

Bullying can happen at any age, but it is most common among children in primary and secondary school. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, about 22 per cent of students in grades six to 12 report being bullied at school.

However, it’s important to note that bullying can also happen outside of school, through social media and other forms of digital communication, also known as cyberbullying.

Children of all ages are at risk of being bullied, so it’s important for parents to be aware of the signs and take steps to prevent and address bullying.

Signs that your child is experiencing bullying

There are several signs that a child may be bullied, including:

• Avoiding social situations or school
• Changes in eating or sleeping habits
• Unexplained injuries or damaged belongings
• Low self-esteem or self-confidence
• Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
• Depression, anxiety, or other emotional problems

If you notice any of these signs in your child, it’s important to talk to them and try to understand what is going on. Your child may be reluctant to talk about bullying, so it’s important to approach the conversation in a supportive and non-judgmental way.

By being aware of the signs of bullying and taking action, you can help your child cope with this difficult situation and learn how to deal with bullies in a safe and effective way.

How to help your child deal with bullies

• Listen and empathise

When your child comes to you about a bullying situation, it’s important to listen carefully and let them know that you understand how they are feeling. Let them talk about their experiences without interrupting or judging them.

Here are a few questions you can ask them to help you better understand the situation and determine the best course of action:

• • Can you tell me what’s been happening? It’s important to let your child talk about their experiences without interrupting or judging them. Listen carefully to what they have to say, and try to understand their perspective.
  • How do you feel when you are being bullied? Ask your child about their emotions and how they are feeling. This can help you understand the impact of bullying on your child, and determine the best way to support them.
  • Have you told anyone else about this? Find out if your child has confided in anyone else about the bullying, such as a friend, teacher, or counsellor. This can help you get a better sense of the situation and determine who else may need to be involved.
  • What do you think we should do? Ask your child for their ideas and suggestions on how to deal with bullying. This can help empower your child and give them a sense of control over the situation.

By asking these questions and listening to your child’s responses, you can better understand their experiences and determine the best course of action to help them cope with bullying.

• Encourage them to speak up

Bullies often thrive on the fear and silence of their victims. Encourage your child to speak up and assert themselves when they are being bullied. This can help them feel more in control and less afraid. 

It’s important, however, to remember that each situation is different, and the best way for your child to respond to a bully will depend on the specific circumstances. Here are a few general tips that can help your child respond to a bully in an assertive and effective way:

• • Stay calm and composed. Bullies often try to provoke their victims into getting angry or upset. Encourage your child to stay calm and composed, and not to let the bully’s words or actions affect them.
  • Use “I” statements. Encourage your child to use “I” statements to assert themselves and express their feelings. For example, they could say, “I don’t like it when you call me names. Please stop.”
  • Be firm and assertive. Encourage your child to be firm and assertive in their response to the bully. Let them know that it’s okay to stand up for themselves and to say no to unwanted behaviour.

• Help them develop strategies to cope with bullying

There are many different strategies that can help children cope with bullying. These can include ignoring the bully, walking away, or using humour to diffuse the situation. Help your child find the strategies that work best for them.

Here are a few humorous things your child can say when being bullied:

• • “I’m sorry, I don’t speak Bully. Could you please use words instead?”
  • “If you’re going to be a bully, at least try to be original. Copying other people’s insults is so yesterday.”
  • “Are you always this rude, or are you just having a bad day? Either way, I hope you feel better soon.”
  • “If you want to be my friend, you’ll have to stop being mean to me. It’s kind of a deal breaker.”

• Reach out to the school

If the bullying continues despite your child’s efforts to cope with it, it’s important to reach out to the school for help. Schools have policies and procedures in place to address bullying, and they can provide additional support and resources to your child.

• Encourage your child to seek support from friends and family

Bullying can be a very isolating experience, so it’s important for your child to have a support network of friends and family members they can talk to. Encourage them to confide in these people and seek their support and guidance.

• Help your child build self-confidence

Children who are confident and self-assured are less likely to be bullied and more likely to stand up for themselves. Help your child build their self-confidence by praising their strengths and accomplishments, and encouraging them to try new things and take on challenges.

• Monitor your child’s online activity

Bullying can also take place online, through social media, messaging apps, and other forms of digital communication. It’s important to monitor your child’s online activity and make sure they are not being bullied or engaging in bullying behaviour themselves. Talk to them about appropriate online behaviour, and teach them how to block and report cyberbullies.

• Encourage your child to seek counselling or therapy

If your child is struggling to cope with bullying, it may be helpful for them to seek professional help from a counsellor or therapist. These professionals can provide your child with support and guidance, and help them develop the skills and strategies they need to cope with bullying.

• Stay involved and support your child

Dealing with bullies can be a difficult and stressful experience for children, and they will need your support and guidance throughout the process. Stay involved in your child’s life, and be there to listen and offer support whenever they need it.

ALSO READ: 10 steps to help your child deal with bullies in Primary 1

Resources to teach your child about how to deal with bullies

Here are a few books that you can read with your child about bullying:

• “Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon” by Patty Lovell
• “The Juice Box Bully: Empowering Kids to Stand Up for Others” by Bob Sornson
• “The Berenstain Bears and the Bully” by Stan and Jan Berenstain
• “Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw” by Jeff Kinney
• “Wonder” by R.J. Palacio

These books can help teach your child about the negative effects of bullying, and encourage them to be kind and empathetic towards others. Reading these books together and discussing their themes can also be a great way to bond with your child and help them understand and deal with bullies in school.

Here are a few movies that you can watch with your child about bullying:

• “Finding Nemo”
• “Monsters, Inc.”
• “Inside Out”
• “The Lego Movie”
• “The Incredibles”

Watching these movies together and discussing their themes can also be a fun and engaging way to spend time with your child and help them understand and cope with bullying.

By following these steps, you can help your child deal with bullies in a healthy and effective way. Remember, it’s important to be there for your child and support them through this difficult experience.

This article was first published in theAsianparent.