Against all odds: Singapore mum shares her inspiring IVF journey

Singapore is full of inspiring stories of mums who’ve shown determination, courage and resilience to bring a new life to this world against all odds. As the proverbial saying goes, “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

Some mums do know that perseverance and patience outshine luck. For Singapore resident Huang Huiling, becoming a mum turned out to be an experience that tested her in every possible way.

For the NUS graduate, it was a difficult pregnancy indeed. Huiling was turned down by several medical practitioners after failing to conceive a baby due to complications, and yet she is now a mother to a nearly two-year-old boy.

In an exclusive conversation with theAsianparent, Huiling speaks to us about her complicated journey to pregnancy. She also talks about adapting to motherhood and work-life balance. 

A planned pregnancy that did not go exactly as planned

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Sharing her experience, Huiling says, “After my marriage, we focused on our career and enjoyed time together building our new home. We started trying for a family actively almost four years later but we weren't successful. A visit to a traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) practitioner revealed some underlying issues with our health that the doctors later confirmed."

"We returned to the TCM physician who recommended intrauterine insemination as it is not as evasive. However, that did not work for us too," she adds.

ALSO READ: 7 IVF questions you're too shy to ask

Taking the IVF route

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Not losing hope or heart, Huiling and her husband decided to opt for in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) to improve their chances of conceiving a baby.

She says, “We then started IVF with KK Women's and Children's Hospital (KKH), a public hospital in Singapore as there were government subsidies for assisted reproductive treatments. But after failed attempts in KKH, we decided to try IVF with another doctor at Singapore General Hospital (SGH), another public hospital, in hope of a better result. We were still unsuccessful.”

'The doctor in SGH told us that we should consider adopting'

Given how the whole process turned out to be, Huiling did feel disappointed but she was far from giving up.

As she says, “I was considered young then (32 years old), so they could not give me drugs that were meant for older patients. The eggs which they extracted from me were speckled, an indication of old eggs with little vigour hence likelihood of conceiving is relatively low. We should consider adopting since the success rate is going to be similar no matter how matter times we try.”

The procedure also brought along financial burden.

"It is very costly to pay for the drugs, scan, consultation, injections, transportation to and fro to the clinic during the course of IVF. I also had acupuncture to improve the odds," she explained. 

ALSO READ: 'It's hard to shake off the feeling that this pregnancy is too good to be true': IVF was the answer for this couple who went through 3 miscarriages

Finding new hope with an embryologist

As all doors seemed closed, Huiling made one last attempt to have her own baby by seeking counsel from an embryologist.

She says, "So we went back to the TCM, who then recommended us to the embryologist. The doctor heard us out and proposed giving ourselves another shot at IVF under her care. While our case is unique, it's not impossible."

Huiling gave birth to a baby boy Cayden on June 1, 2019. With the support of her family as well as her in-laws, her pregnancy was a fairly smooth process. Her husband was also a great source of strength.

Raising a two-year-old in Singapore

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After a difficult road to pregnancy and nearly two years of experience in raising her adorable baby, Huiling has devised her own parenting style.

Speaking about it, she says, "I will prevent my son from doing anything dangerous but most of the time. I allow him to explore what he shows interest in."

She believes that the most important things a child needs to learn are good manners and good values. Good grades comes after that.

As she puts it, "Your child matters more than grades. Above all, love them. They can sense it."

ALSO READ: How to boost your fertility when you're in your 30s

Balancing work and home

Most new mums and dads find it difficult to strike the right balance between work commitments and house duties. However, Huiling says she's found the solution.

"The work-life balance is ever more integrated now. So I'll make do with the time I'm left with after my baby sleeps to catch up with work and spend the hours he's awake with him," shares the mum. 

That's great, but how does Huiling unwind and what does she do to keep the romance alive?

"Take a walk with your spouse. Go on a date," Huiling says.

"A typical weekday in my life would be to wake up, change for work, make milk for my boy and change [him] for school. I'll drop him off, head to work then return home to have dinner with my husband before spending time with my boy. On weekends, we head out to explore Singapore and let him try new activities or food."

Advice to new mums and dads wanting to have a baby through IVF?

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Huiling says, "The end goal is to conceive. Regardless of the method, as long as I can be a mum, I was willing. You can never be prepared for what is to come. But even so, just use a loving heart to care for your child because, with just that, all things would fall in place."

Would Huiling change anything about the way she had Cayden?

As a proud mummy she says, "I wouldn't have it any other way. Going through IVF made me realise what doesn't break me makes me so much stronger."

Huiling is a true example of grit and determination. And by sharing her emotional and personal story she is only paving way for more hopeful couples to go this route to achieve their fairytale life. 

This article was first published in theAsianparent.