Do therapists need therapy too? We speak to one to find out

To mark World Mental Health Day on Oct 10, AsiaOne shines the spotlight on mental health advocates and looks at how Singaporeans cope with mental health issues in their lives.

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For over three decades, Ronina Stevens has seen hundreds of people walk into her consultation room for therapy sessions. 

The 52-year-old British expat and clinical psychologist moved to Singapore eight years ago and is currently the director of The Other Clinic. 

Her clinic also has a more budget-friendly arm called Nest, which aims to make therapy more accessible to those who need help but may not be financially capable of doing so

She and her team work hard to help individuals with their mental wellness journey, no matter what their background is. 

But in turn, who helps psychologists like Ronina and her colleagues with their own mental health?

Do they give each other therapy? Or do they deal with personal struggles themselves? And does listening to other people's problems get overwhelming at times?

AsiaOne spoke to Ronina to get answers to these burning questions. 

'Therapy for therapists is essential'

Yes, therapists need therapy. 

Just like their clients who walk in seeking treatment, they too need help when it comes to their own mental wellness. 

"It's worth remembering that psychologists are human, like anybody," Ronina reminded. 

So, while training to become a psychologist, it's advisable for them to go for their own therapy sessions. 

"One, it gives us the experience of being a client and two, it helps us separate our struggles from the client's struggles," Ronina explained.  

"So, I think therapy for therapists is essential for self-awareness and for keeping your own needs met emotionally." 

Some may assume that psychologists are trained to be able to handle anything that is thrown their way.

But Ronina revealed that psychologists have their vulnerable moments too and sometimes, in between clients, they need time to process things. 

"If I had something that was a bit heavy, I need to shake it off before the next client to be present and ready. So I might go outside, take a toilet break, or give myself a few minutes to really centre myself.

"Sometimes it is silly little things, like I spray a nice room scent around the space, tidy up the cushions, and reset, remind myself of what the goals are," said Ronina. 

She also shared that at her clinic, clients are assigned to therapists based on their own emotional, mental and psychological capabilities. 

For instance, she does not hand over a trauma case to a newly qualified therapist. 

Another example is if a therapist recently had a bereavement, they shouldn't handle a client who is also grieving. 

She also shared that personally, as someone who has struggled with her weight, she avoids clients who seek help for eating disorders. 

"It's slightly too sensitive for me, and for those cases, my colleagues who don't have that struggle will be more inclined to take it," said Ronina. 

"We need to be aware of where we are at and what we can take." 

Seeking help and setting boundaries 

One may think that psychologists have it easier than most when they need a therapy session — all they need to do is simply walk over to a colleague's room and request for one. 

But Ronina revealed that for herself and her team, that isn't an option. 

"We would never give each other therapy in the clinic because we want to keep the boundary of being a trusted peer," she explained. 

Instead, they try to reach out to psychologists from other clinics that they do not know on a personal level. 

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"In Singapore, this can be tricky because it's small and we're not a huge profession. One can feel quite vulnerable," said Ronina. 

So, if really necessary, some psychologists seek help online from an overseas psychologist so that there's no conflict of interest. 

"It's about picking somebody whom you don't know, doesn't cross over with your work and is never going to come in judgement of you." 

These boundaries also extend to their personal relationships with family and friends. 

"I'm not a therapist outside of work," Ronina told us. 

"That's because I need my home and my friends to not be like work." 

She clarified that this doesn't mean she does not care about them. 

"I'm not trying to practise [being a psychologist] in all elements of my life because that is too exhausting. I need to relax, be me, tell a joke, not be on duty all the time," she elaborated. 

Ronina shared that sometimes newer psychologists who are still in their training phase struggle with this and end up getting overwhelmed. 

"People know what they do for their job and start to approach them. But I think having boundaries and recognising that is really quite important." 

Taking care of themselves 

No matter how passionate a therapist is about their job, taking care of patients on the daily can be emotionally and mentally draining. 

So, they have to keep their own mental health in check. 

For Ronina, she looks out for "physical manifestations" from her body. 

"I notice I get a stiff neck when I've been too sedentary and then I'll know that I'm not looking after myself enough," she explained, adding that she also keeps track of how much sleep and exercise she gets. 

Apart from that, Ronina has observed what drains and energises her. 

"For instance, if I notice I've stopped doing social things and it's all work, work, work, that for me is a bit of a warning sign and I need to plan more social events for myself because although it's tiring, it reenergises me," she shared. 

Other "simple pleasures" that renergise her are hobbies like cooking, reading and walking her dog. 

She also encourages herself and her team to have enough breaks, including holidays. 

"A change of scene from the clinic is very important in this job," she said.

"So, it's not good for a psychologist to be having one luxurious, long holiday once a year. It's better to have a few smaller, incremental breaks to keep ourselves regulated." 

'Don't sit in silence'

While there's always room for improvement, Ronina feels that society and its attitude towards mental wellness has come a long way. 

"In the last few years I've been in Singapore, I've seen a massive shift. I think that was the silver lining of the Covid-19 pandemic," she said. 

From what she has observed, this shift is bigger in people in their 20s and 30s than it is for those in the older generation. 

"Having a mental health issue is not a weakness. It shouldn't be stigmatised," she said.  

Struggling with your mental health? Ronina urges you to give yourself time to recover. 

She also advises you to vocalise your feelings. 

"Don't sit in silence. If you have someone close around, talk to them. And if you don't or you don't feel you can, reach out for help earlier, rather than later," she said. 

"It isn't a sign of weakness to reach out for help. It is a sign of strength." 

ALSO READ: Mental healthcare professionals share their stigma stories

melissateo@asiaone.com