How this Singapore mum overcame hardships and found hope through a community of women

When you first meet Singapore mum Kimberly Chew, 34, her effervescent personality and jolly demeanour will instantly mesmerise you. In fact, you’d probably never know that this happy-go-lucky mum once went through unimaginable struggles or how she overcame hardships to raise her daughter.

In the month where we celebrate women and their achievements, we are also celebrating real mums like Kimberly Chew, who show us that perseverance and support from a community of women can truly change your life.

Chew’s inspiring story began as a newly-married young girl who got pregnant. 

A quick pregnancy post wedding came with a shocking challenge

“I did not expected to get pregnant so fast, especially since we had been married for just two or three months. In fact, I really wanted to enjoy some time alone with my husband. I was imagining that having a kid after one to two years of marriage is wiser. And I was not really into having a dragon baby, [as it is a] popular year [for kids to be born],” recalls Kimberly Chew, as she shares her story with theAsianparent.

“I found out about my pregnancy when we returned from our honeymoon. At the time I didn’t feeling very well. I thought maybe it was is due to climatic changes. So, I decided to visit a doctor, who advised me to take a pregnancy test which came out positive,” she adds. 

She says it was an unexpected shock for the couple.

“Even the doctor at that time could see our expressions. I was shocked and my husband was surprised. Post this test, I could feel my body change and I felt tired easily, I could not concentrate. I told my then boss about my pregnancy. She seemed really very happy for me. But her attitude changed after a few days,” says Chew, who was, at that time, working for an SME in the construction industry. 

“She used to be a very nice boss before I got pregnant“

As an expecting mum, Chew was of the opinion that her boss would empathise with her. But it wasn’t to be. 

“The treatment was really very different. Before that, she would cook a share for me [as] the office was in the home environment. I [had] never asked her for it. She used to be a very nice lady boss (before I got pregnant),” she recalls.

Chew felt that the treatment meted to her took a turn for the worse.

At a time when she expected her manager to help, she was given an untoward treatment. “I was asked to carry heavy boxes from the home office to the living room for no obvious reason,” she says. 

“Because I was pregnant in the early stages, my body would get tired easily and I felt sleepy the whole day. I even cried in the toilet during work because I was confused and scared [due to] the different treatment. My boss suggested to me that I should just rest at home and not come to work since I was pregnant. They did not want to be responsible if anything were to happen to me,” she adds.  

Financial burdens continued to pile on

On top of a physically tough pregnancy, this forced removal from her job, left Chew facing financial hardships too.

“Finance-wise we were very tight and I was not prepared for a lot of things. I hadn’t even bought a single item for my baby,” she recalls.

Unfortunately, even though she tried, Chew says she couldn’t get a job.

“Even before giving birth, I was trying to find a job but during that time, no one would want to hire a pregnant lady. I told myself I’ve got to find a job after confinement. So after giving birth to my daughter, I started to look around for job. I sent out tonnes of resume during confinement,” she says, but to no avail. 

Fortunately, it was during this time she reached out to fellow Singapore mums on social media platforms and communities and found real support. 

Singapore’s mummy community came to the rescue

“To be honest I did not know how I did it. But I knew that I had to be responsible for my daughter. I gave birth to her, so I have to make sure that she is well taken care of by us. That time I found a community and reached out to some mums online,” says the 34-year-old. 

Through the support of fellow mums, Chew found herself again. “We set up a WhatsApp group to chat and shared our experiences on what to expect during pregnancy and giving birth. Some even shares tips with me, so I knew that I was not alone,” she says. 

But adds that more support needs to be given to expecting and new parents. 

“Young parents are often being label as too inexperienced“

Although Chew says that while she did have her husband’s support, she had to face her own emotional struggles by herself. 

She explains, “Young parents are often being label as too inexperienced. I think we need to talk about prenatal and postnatal depression. Looking back, I think I had it, because I was too emotionally affected by the pregnancy, bullying, and changes.”

Her advice to other expecting mums is simple – work on yourself before you think about taking care of others. 

“To be honest, throughout my parenting journey, I realised that loving myself was very important. It is only when you love yourself that you are able to love others. Us mums must take good care of ourselves. Only then we would be strong enough to take good care of others,” she says. 

“If one door is closed, there is always another door open”

“I would also like to say don’t give up in whichever current situation you are in. Because life is full of ups and downs, I always believe if one door is closed, there is always another door open, look around you. If you are feeling depressed, need someone to talk to, you should find someone you can trust, who you can share your issues with.

''Do not keep them to yourself. If there is really no one you can talk to and worse if you are feeling depressed, I believe you should seek professional helps, it is nothing to be shameful about [it],” advises Chew.

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And rightly so.  

Today, Chew has successfully overcome her hardships and is working as a part-time human resource administrator in a US-based company. Her next step is to ensure her daughter is well-supported. 

“I am more concerned about the emotional support for my daughter. Honestly, I can accept my daughter not being the best in class or just passing her exam. But I cannot accept her being ill-mannered or bullying others,” says the concerned mum. 

As for her plans for her daughter, Chew says, “I always tell her, no matter what, she has her parents for support.”  

This article was first published in theAsianparent.