'I have honestly never been happier': Woman expresses how she feels about 'dating downwards'

When Lemon8 user Caipngwfish got together with Elton Quek, some of her friends weren't exactly supportive of the relationship.

"Are you sure you want to date him?" 

This was a common question she'd get from them. The general perception was that she was dating down, which she defined as dating someone who earns less than her. 

In a recent Lemon8 post, she shared her personal experience of what it is like to date downwards. 

"In this day and age, it generally means lesser earning power or less educated," Caipngwfish pointed out, adding that at one point, her monthly salary was almost double that of her partner's. 

Anticipating some potential pitchforks, she immediately provided a caveat that dissing her boyfriend was not the intention of her post.

Choosing cheaper dating spots

Using earning power and educational level as parameters, Caipngwfish noted that it is a fact she dated downwards.

While their relationship might have ruffled some feathers, she told AsiaOne that "dating down never affected them".

Given that the relationship went against the "marrying-a-graduate mindset" some families may have for their daughters, Caipngwfish added that there were some initial disagreements with her mum.

But eventually, the relationship gained her approval.

In the Lemon8post, she went on to explain that Elton was upfront and honest about his income at the start of their relationship. She told AsiaOne that she wanted to keep the details of their occupations private.

At that point in time, Caipngwfish was raking in almost twice his salary so she chose to lie to him about hers.

"I didn't want him to feel emasculated," she explained.

Early on, the couple would often head to cai fan stalls for dates and occasionally, they'd treat themselves to a meal at Genki Sushi.

Caipngwfish mentioned that she was not too bothered about this.

Even when they dined at fancier food establishments, Elton would offer to foot the bill.

"Getting the bill made him more motivated to do better in life because he needs to keep up with the 'new standard of living'," she explained.

Double his earning power

So Elton knuckled down and doubled his earning power within a year, in order to "reach the same standing" as his partner.

Caipngwfish said she very much values how humble and down-to-earth Elton is, even now when he is able to "provide for her".

While she does not deny that money is important, there are also other factors one should look out for when looking to find a partner.

"Find someone who loves you, someone who is dedicated, persistent and funny," she advised.

Mindset, character and attitude are some of the traits Caipngwfish values in a partner, but his need to "want to be a provider" ranks top as a requirement.

Despite the differences in spending power when they first got together, it did not seem to hinder their relationship.

"I have honestly never been happier," Caipngwfish said.

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amierul@asiaone.com

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