'It creates unnecessary tension': Woman shares why she will never work with a friend again

Stepping into the workforce is part and parcel of adulthood. But meeting people in a new environment can be daunting, so the idea of working with a friend sounds comforting, right? 

Well, for one woman, the experience was far from comfortable. 

Lemon8 user Germie shared in a post why she would never work with friends again. 

Speaking to AsiaOne, she shared that her unpleasant experience occurred in her first job, where she worked as an in-house designer for four years.

Referring to the friend as 'A', she mentioned that she had known her for about 2.5 years as they had worked together on school projects when they were in polytechnic. 

Germie noted that 'A's' personality and working style didn't gel well with her, but that "somehow things happened, and we ended [up] in the same company and department". 

Both of them worked at said company together for 2.5 years. 

Things started to get personal 

In her Lemon8 post, Germie mentioned how people in the office would often compare her with 'A' since they were friends.

To illustrate her point, Germie mentioned to AsiaOne that her design knowledge and work standards differed from 'A'. And since they were from the same school, she would get questions from colleagues such as, "Why do you know this and she doesn't know this?"

Over time, the comments started to frustrate Germie, especially when her manager asked her to guide 'A'  because they were friends.

"I felt like somehow, her standard of work became my responsibility just because of our friendship," she shared with AsiaOne.

She also felt that 'A' didn't take her advice seriously, simply because they were friends. 

Jealousy in the office

Germie highlighted that "it creates unnecessary tension" when working with an overprotective friend. In her Lemon8 post, she mentioned how things can get tricky when you become closer to your colleagues.

'A' showed signs of unhappiness and jealousy when Germie started to become closer with other colleagues, and that made the situation worse as her colleagues felt uncomfortable around 'A'.

"If you are on bad terms with your friend, it is extremely obvious in the workplace, and it's not a good look at work, " Germie elaborated in the post. 

Codependency in the workplace 

Going the extra mile for your colleagues can demonstrate your value as a team player, but it can also work against you.  

"Personality-wise, I am one who is willing to help others when they need," Germie shared with AsiaOne. 

But unfortunately for Germie, this caused an imbalance in the relationship as she was expected to fix her friend's mistakes at work.

"The first time 'A' got into trouble, I was asked to redo the project that 'A' was handling because it had upset our client.

"It agitated me that 'A' gave me trouble and more work to do, and I don't remember her apologising or taking responsibility for this.

"This moment made me feel like I was forced to be the hero," Germie elaborated. "And her not apologising [or] taking responsibility made me feel that she took my personality for granted, that I would always "help" her or come into the picture when she is in trouble."

No clear boundaries

Boundaries can also get blurred at the workplace when your colleague also happens to be your friend. Germie shared one incident with AsiaOne when that line was crossed. 

"As a fresh graduate, I didn't know that salaries were a super sensitive topic at work until one to two years into a job," Germie shared.

"When working with 'A', I was very transparent [with her] about my salary because we were going through the same [job] 'route', and she was transparent to me too."

However, being open came at a price. With 'A' not fulfilling her work duties, Germie started to feel that it was unfair that she was earning as much as her.

"I felt that she was undeserving of the same pay as me because she was doing so much less and [was] worse than me," Germie shared candidly.

She initially feared that 'A' would take it personally if she had refused to reveal her salary. But with hindsight, Germie said she would not have disclosed this to her friend.

She also highlighted that "feelings of unfairness" wouldn't have come up if she had set clear boundaries from the beginning. And because of this incident, she shared that it affected her personal feelings towards 'A' as a friend. 

How to deal with friends in the office

After her unfortunate experience, Germie suggested a few ways to separate work and personal life. 

She advised readers to handle work conflicts with friends the way they would with other colleagues. Put the friendship aside and have honest conversations. 

Creating boundaries is healthy, and she mentioned not being confused by personal feelings when you have work-related conflicts. 

She also pointed out that good friends value your opinions, even when they don't agree with you. 

"Surround yourself with positivity, good vibes and healthy relationships," Germie concluded in the post. 

ALSO READ: How to deal with or not be a problematic boss

venkat.gunasellan@asiaone.com

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