'It helped me work through my emotions': Woman shares how she went through the 5 stages of grief after a breakup

Breakups are tough, even if they are amicable. The road to healing is different for everyone. 

For one woman, she decided to share her personal journey on how she healed her broken heart. 

In a Lemon8 post, Caitlin mentioned how she went through the five stages of grief during her breakup. She first came across the idea in university when she did a module on the psychology of trauma. 

The five stages of grief is a model that illustrates a series of emotions felt by people who are grieving. 

"The grief one goes through after a breakup is actually associated [with] grief caused by death," Caitlin mentioned in the post. 

Stage one: Denial 

The first stage is denial. In this stage, "you will probably feel the numbest [sic]" due to being in shock and disbelief.  Caitlin noted that this is a defence mechanism where you're trying to process your new reality. 

She suggested journaling your thoughts. But instead of focusing on the negativity, pen down your positive experiences. 

"I find that journaling about negative emotions makes you hyperfixate on them, which in turn can make moving on much more difficult [sic]," she advised in the post. 

Stage two: Anger

Anger is the second stage, and it's more apparent if you feel "you've been wronged in the relationship". 

While Caitlin mentioned not to make rash decisions like texting your ex, she also encouraged not to bottle your emotions. 

Instead find productive ways to channel your anger. For instance, she recommends exercising, having picked up boxing as it really helped her to "de-load" her emotions. 

Stage three: Bargaining

The third stage of grief is bargaining. 

This is the period of time when you will think of the "things you could have done differently or bring up past situations and replay them in your head over and over again".

She also highlighted that you might even consider being friends with your ex. To that end, Caitlin's advice is to distract yourself by spending time with your friends and family, or even starting a new hobby.

During the healing process, she decided to start a skincare content account on social media. She also mentioned how starting something you're passionate about can give you hope about the future and make you look forward, instead of back at the past. 

Stage four: Depression

Depression is the second last stage "when you will be crying all the time". 

"Let yourself cry and feel your emotions. You may also feel very helpless and unmotivated but just give yourself that space and time to heal," Caitlin elaborated. "It's probably easy to reach for instant fixes like alcohol but those will only put a bandage over your wound, but not heal it."

Alternatively, Caitlin suggested turning to exercise and therapy. According to her, exercising helps to release feel-good endorphins in your body, helping you to boost your mood. 

She also recommended therapy if you're struggling with your breakup on your own. 

Stage five: Acceptance

Last but not least is acceptance. "This is the point when the storm has passed and you'll start to see some clarity in your life," Caitlin mentioned. 

She suggested going on a trip if you can afford to, so as to find oneself and create new memories. 

With that said, she also caveats the fact that the five stages of grief aren't linear. 

The other stages "may make an appearance even after acceptance".

However, Caitlin ends off on a hopeful note, stating that "there is no timeline to grief" and it's "something that should not be rushed". 

ALSO READ: Just out of a relationship? Here's how to tell people about your breakup

venkat.gunasellan@asiaone.com

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