PUBLISHED ONApril 19, 2025 1:19 AMByAmierul Rashid"Put yourself in someone else's shoes."
This is a lesson in empathy we are often taught to practise, and it's a concept that's simple enough to grasp and apply.
But do we extend the same compassion to ourselves?
In July 2024, AsiaOne conducted a survey among 1,057 respondents, aged 18 and above, regarding attitudes and perceptions towards mental health.
Among the key findings is the tendency for respondents to encourage friends and family to seek professional help for mental struggles, but they were less likely to do so for themselves.
According to the survey, 60 per cent of respondents said they would encourage a close friend or relative to seek help if they observed the person had suicidal tendencies.
This number dropped to 42 per cent should the suicidal tendencies be observed in themselves.
This gap raises an important question: Why are we more likely to ask others to seek help when mental health symptoms are observed but hesitate when it comes to our own?
What adds a sense of urgency to this is that it is not an isolated trend. It consistently appears across multiple data points of our study.
For example, 55 per cent of respondents said they would encourage someone else to seek help for self-harm, but only 35 per cent would do the same for themselves.
The gap persists with addiction where 35 per cent of respondents would urge others to seek support, yet only 18 per cent would do the same should the struggle with addiction be their own.
Dr Jacqueline Lee Tilley, assistant professor at the National Institute of Education, noted to AsiaOne that individuals may perceive the time, effort and money spent on mental health as "worthwhile" only when it is through the prism of a third-person.
But when it comes to their own, they often struggle to see the value in prioritising it.
Jacqueline listed stigma and negative stereotypes related to mental health as potential reasons for this discrepancy.
The combination of self-stigma and societal perception on an individual can be quite a deterrent.
"If someone thinks that having mental health problems speaks to their competence then they may be less willing to seek professional help," Jacqueline said.
Taking that step might feel like proving one's own inadequacy. So why would they take said step?
After all, most people rationally would not want to be negatively evaluated, Jacqueline added.
These sentiments were echoed by Melissa Yoong, a 35-year-old psychotherapist based in Singapore.
She noted that people tend to have an easier time "feeling compassion for another person's suffering" compared to their own.
Melissa also highlighted that those who struggle with a sense of perfectionism can have issues with reaching out for help.
The struggle to "admit a need" is an obstacle in itself but there is also the barrier of taking the agency to seek help.
"You're actually being vulnerable and there is always that uncertainty as to how it is going to be received and sometimes that fear holds someone back," she explained.
How then can someone be more proactive in their own mental health battles?
A tip from Melissa is to introduce the habit of checking in with yourself.
Take the time to look inward, she suggested, offering journaling as a potential outlet for one to help understand how they are feeling in the present.
Jacqueline concurs with this, mentioning that a mindset shift might be useful.
Instead of mental struggles, see it as self-care where every small, daily action can contribute to better well-being.
This could be as simple as eating a balanced diet or doing one thing that makes you feel good or competent regularly.
For those hesitant to seek help due to practical worries such as finances, mental health resources such as webCHAT by the Institution of Mental Health or WhatsApp counselling services from non-profit organisations like Limitless are available, Jacqueline urged.
The survey also looked into how respondents coped when dealing with symptoms of mental health conditions.
The most common coping methods included watching videos, drama or movies (38 per cent), thinking positively (37 per cent) and exercise (35 per cent).
At the other end of the scale, seeking help from a therapist is less common with 10 per cent of respondents opting for this approach.
While watching movies or shows isn't inherently negative, the intention behind the activity is key.
Are we truly engaged, or are we using it as an escape from the stress or anxiety?
This is where terms like "numb" and "zoning out" start to surface.
Melissa explained that, in many of these scenarios, the anxiety or stress the individual is trying to cope with remains "trapped" in the body.
"I would say you are just passing time and this doesn't make you feel better, actually," she highlighted.
AsiaOne’s survey also revealed that, overall, respondents felt more comfortable discussing their mental health concerns with close friends and spouses.
However, when gender is included in the mix, differences start to emerge. Male respondents were more likely to confide in their spouses (42 per cent) compared to female respondents (31 per cent).
This gap may be explained by the fact that women reported having a broader support network — including close friends, mental health specialists, and siblings — whom they felt more comfortable turning to.
The most prominent difference can be seen with sibling support, at 25 per cent for female respondents compared to 16 per cent for male respondents.
Does this leave men in a more vulnerable position when seeking emotional support?
According to Melissa, yes — and the concept of toxic masculinity comes to the fore.
An article from The New York Times defines toxic masculinity as a set of behaviours that suppresses emotions and pressures men to maintain an appearance of hardness.
And again, we return to the issue of vulnerability being perceived as weakness.
"If they [men] are afraid that expressing mental health concerns are a sign of vulnerability and therefore a sign of weakness, that fear of evaluation might stop them from reaching out to different support networks," Melissa noted.
This can lead to isolation which may potentially intensify one's depressive symptoms.
Having fewer support options, which this study found to be more common among men, also means a potential reliance on a single source for emotional support.
This is something Melissa does not recommend.
"It is too much of a burden to lay on one person, and it is important for the support person to take care of their own mental health as well," she explained.
So in the case of individuals with limited support system, she encourages seeking a formal support system, like therapy, to supplement their informal networks.
Moving forward, continuing to normalise dialogue around emotions and mental health will be crucial in creating safe spaces for men to express vulnerability, Melissa said.
The value of support from a spouse should not be understated but having the ability to tap multiple lines of support will allow individuals to have a more robust system, helping them to cope through periods of stress more effectively.
Melissa summed it up: "The nurture, the experienced care and the concern of the other is greatly healing in moments of pain and distress."
For more original AsiaOne articles, visit here.
