Nurturing strong minds: Essential mental health skills to teach your children

Given today's advancement in essentially anything, it's a wonder why many of us still seem to struggle with the most basic mental health skills we ought to have. Often, we only find out about our mental health issues once we become adults, and by then, it's already too hard to cope.

In Singapore alone, one in three young people struggled with their mental health in 2019. But according to a recent study, Singapore parents need to be more informed about these mental health issues. So how do we bridge the gap?

The alarming rate of youth suffering from mental health issues alongside the scarcity of resources available puts mental health at the top of our priorities. And one of the ways we can lower that rate is to develop mentally strong kids. As their mental health strengthens, they learn life skills and social skills that will equip them to take on the world without breaking down. 

So, how do we get started? What are the mental health skills that we ought to be teaching our children? How should we teach them? All of these we will tackle in the entirety of this article, so keep on reading.

Asking for what they want from unfamiliar adults they can trust

You are no stranger to your kids, for sure. So, when they want something, they can ask you without reservations. But, part of their growing up is teaching them how to ask for what they want from adults they can trust. There are several benefits to teaching them this skill:

Acting vs avoiding

Kids who have been used to avoiding often end up developing anxiety and depression. So, what you want them to do is to act versus to avoid. Doing so helps in fighting feelings of anxiety.

Fights against anxiety

If your child already has anxiety, teaching them this skill helps in getting them through. The idea is their anxiety lowers when they get more and more used to interacting with adults they are unfamiliar with.

Develops their social engineering

They learn how to properly communicate what they want when you engage them in these types of communications. They learn what to say and what not to say.

One very common example is when you're out and ordering in a restaurant. Your child's common practice is to tell you what they want to order instead of directly giving their orders to the servers. So, perhaps, every once in a while, let them be the ones to say their orders to the servers. 

Recognising and managing their emotions

One of the reasons kids struggle with mental health is their inability to regulate their emotions. And, the best way they can learn how to regulate such emotions is to better understand them and know how to deal with them. 

Say your kid starts feeling angry after you have taken away their toy for nap time. They start throwing things. The common way parents handle such situations is to yell at their kids — reprimand them for being mad. But, they don't even know that what they're feeling is anger. 

So, how do we handle these types of situations?

Differentiate

First, you help them recognise what emotion they are feeling. Label each type of emotion and point to the signs that show such emotions (like shouting when angry, pouting and crying when sad, and so on and so forth).

Listen

Next, let them vent. Let them talk about the reasons why they are mad or feeling a certain type of way. Sometimes, talking is all the therapy they need in order to calm down. So, while they chat, you listen.

Recognise

Once they have explained their part, it is now your turn to explain how expressing their emotions in these ways is okay or understandable. This part is crucial because you are not only acknowledging their emotions but also encouraging them to be open about their feelings.

When parents don't acknowledge how their kids feel, kids will often feel the need to hide, which is not what we want. 

Teach them how to handle it

Finally, teach them healthy ways to manage their emotions. Talking through them is one. Writing about them is another. You can teach them a whole lot of ways to manage their emotions. That will teach them that emotions can be controlled and that they cannot always put the blame on other people. 

Having patience

What you are teaching your child with patience is delayed gratification. It's their practice in handling their emotions for when they transition into the real world where they can't have anything and everything they want in a snap. 

Getting them to have patience is one thing; teaching them how to is another. As parents, we are often caught in a conflict whenever opportunities for teaching patience come. That's because sometimes it takes too long before a child calms down from a meltdown. Sometimes, it's just easier to just give them what they want. But, then, they don't learn the lesson.

A very timely example is when you limit your child's screen time. Say you have a rule that they can only use their device for three hours max every day. Their time has come up, and you come to take their device away. They get upset and start throwing tantrums left and right.

Some parents will just give the device back to stop all of the tantrums. The determined ones hold off and give their kids the bigger picture if they follow the rules. You can say things like, "If you follow now, I can add an extra 30 mins to your screen time tomorrow. How's that?" Or, you mention the benefits of having limited screen time. In standing your ground, you effectively teach your kids the value of patience.

Building strong and healthy relationships

The impact of teaching your kids how to build strong and healthy relationships goes beyond strengthening your children's mental health. It's going to create a whole new generation of kids who are compassionate and respectful of other people. Well, that's the goal at least.

But, starting at home is the best way to kick it off. When your child sees a healthy and respectful relationship between you and your partner, you and your friends, and you and your superiors, they'll know what a healthy and respectful relationship is.

This is especially useful in teaching boys and girls how to treat each other respectfully when they are in a romantic relationship. Boys shouldn't see girls as objects nor should girls find emotional boys a turn-off. The more your kids see these at home, the more they'll take what they learn to the real world as well.

And that concludes our list of mental health skills that you ought to teach your children. On a grand scale, these are not the only ones you should teach, but at the very least, our hope is that you prioritise them as they will surely help in strengthening your children's mental health now up to their maturity. 

ALSO READ: Parenting on the edge: How hypomania affects your role as a parent

This article was first published in theAsianparent.