Rude or not? Wedding guest claims bride asked to identify ang bao, sparks discussion

Weddings are a joyous occasion - not so joyous, however, are some of the traditions that surround it, especially when money is involved.

A wedding guest has claimed that they were asked to identify their ang bao a day after they attended the event, according to a post on Reddit by user F***gPopulist on Wednesday (Oct 25).

"I recently attended my colleague's wedding and I gave her an ang bao without writing my name," the user wrote.

"The following day, I received a text from her asking me to identify the ang bao that I've given her."

This message left the Redditor stunned.

"Why would you take a photo of the ang baos people gave and ask them to tell you which [one] they gave?" the user questioned.

This was the first time they'd ever experienced such a predicament, and they felt the way the bride treated them was "rather rude".

"I have done my duty of covering my portion of the banquet table and even gave extra, so don't say I never write my name because I'm scared [that people think] I'm a cheapo," they added.

Users agreed with the Redditor, with one describing the bride's actions as "rude and lame".

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"Want to invite people but also want to make sure they can tally and 'keep scores'... just seems very off putting to me," a user said.

Another commented: "Wow this is downright obnoxious to be honest. People need to drop this thinking that ang baos are to help them cover cost."

However, some felt that the bride might have had different intentions that the Redditor might have missed.

"They needed to know so that they know what to give when invited to your wedding," a comment wrote.

A user also said: "The bottom line is if you can't afford to throw a dinner, then don't. Congratulatory gifts are without a price tag. It comes from the heart!"

'Pay what you can afford'

In another post on Reddit, user Hungryandsleepy23 shared their concerns about a wedding invitation they had received from a colleague just as they had joined a company - except they couldn't afford the price of a conventional wedding ang bao.

"I really want to attend because I know everyone will be there, and I would like to celebrate for my colleague as well.

"But it’s at a five-star hotel and when I googled the recommended ang bao rate, it was $200 to $250. I definitely can’t afford it," the user admitted in a post on Thursday.

As the Redditor deliberated their options, they also sought advice from other users on the subreddit.

Many responded with a simple solution: decline to attend the wedding.

"They don't know you and have no reason to actually want you there (unless they've got an empty seat to fill). The unspoken expectation is that you will decline," a user advised.

Another said: "Don’t agree with those that say go and pay what you can afford. You never know what kind of nasty comments might spread later on."

A user also shared their anecdote to help the confused Redditor: "I invited this particular friend to my wedding banquet years ago, knew he was not doing well so I told him no need to give an ang bao, just come.

"In the end, he gave $50 - it didn't seem right to reject it so I didn't. I was touched by his sincerity, of course."

ALSO READ: How to plan a dream wedding on a budget and cut down on wedding costs

khooyihang@asiaone.com