PUBLISHED ONMay 31, 2025 10:25 AMBYCarol OngFor many couples, getting married means settling down and starting a family.
That's no different for Eleanore Lim and her husband Timothy York James.
That is, until the pair's plans of growing their family were suddenly disrupted just two months after tying the knot in 2021 — when Eleanore was diagnosed with not one, but two life-altering conditions: stage one endometrial cancer and stage two ovarian cancer — which required her to have a full hysterectomy.
"I was devastated because we both love kids. Right after our wedding, due to our age, we actually wanted to start [trying to conceive]. But when the diagnosis came, it was devastating for both of us. I broke down," the social worker shared with AsiaOne.
According to the 36-year-old, her doctors provided an alternative path that could allow the couple to have children of their own: boosting her estrogen, freezing her eggs and possibly going into in-vitro fertilisation (or IVF) after her chemotherapy — but it would come at the expense of the results of her prognosis.
"The chances of the cancer being escalated to stage four, because it was just at stage two at that point of time, would be very high. And I think the duration of me being able to live on is about a year," Eleanore shared.
But despite the risks, she was open to the idea.
She suggested to Timothy: "Since you want kids, why not we try that?"
He rejected the idea — with both of them agreeing that Eleanore's life was more important than having kids.
But that wasn't the only suggestion that the 43-year-old, who is an operations staff member at a halfway house, said no to.
Not wanting to "rob him of his rights of being a father", Eleanore made "a very painful decision" of proposing an annulment to Timothy — so that he could possibly find someone else that he could have children with.
"It's not an easy decision because I love him a lot," she said.
But for Timothy, it was a no-brainer. He shut the idea down firmly and quickly.
"I didn't even think about it. Although kids are a very important part of our lives, I always remember our vows. I've never even contemplated it," he said.
"It was very easy to decide that I choose my wife over having kids. Following that, of course the pain of not having children [would come], but I never had any doubts that I would choose my wife over the idea of being a father. Obviously it's easy," Timothy added.
And it was this unfaltering conviction and commitment to their love that helped Eleanore reaffirm their bond in such trying times.
She expressed: "I felt very blessed and very relieved that he stood firm. I married the right man."
To show his support for Eleanore, Timothy even shaved his head before her chemotherapy began, even choosing to remain bald throughout her chemotherapy journey.
With the plans of having children now behind them, Eleanore and Timothy are choosing to focus on the common dreams and goals they share — such as the freedom of travelling as and when they want, being the loving owners to their pets and continuing to create memories.
"We have a lot of common dreams, not only children. Children is one part of it, but I think the good thing is, rather than focusing on the dreams that you can't achieve, you focus on other dreams that you can achieve," Eleanore stated.
"We both love pets, so we have two cats. I think it's okay if you can't have children, we can create memories in other ways," she added.
The couple have considered other avenues such as adoption but have decided to focus their attention on caring for their cats for now.
Eleanore and Timothy's story is one of the many featured at a showcase called Real Families, Real Stories, which is part of the National Family Festival Carnival 2025 happening today (May 31) and tomorrow at Singapore Expo Hall 6.
The carnival marks the start of the wider month-long National Family Festival 2025, led by the Families for Life (FFL) Council, which offers an array of activities and events islandwide for families.
Some examples include the FunFam SportFest organised by Sport Singapore's Active Parents movement to encourage families to stay active together; and Gardens by the Bay's Children's Festival, an annual school holiday programme.
As a signature event of SG60, the festival celebrates the role of families in shaping Singapore's development over the past six decades and highlighting efforts to help build strong and thriving families through various interactive exhibitions, showcases and activities.
Eleanore shared that she was inspired by her best friend Vanessa (who also participated in another event organised by the FFL Council) to send in her story for the showcase.
"Deep in my heart, I want to see how our stories can impact other couples who either are newly married or married for many years, or have gone through a lot of challenges in their lives," she explained.
As for what she hopes that they can take away from their story, she stated: "No matter what challenges you face as a couple, go through together as a couple. Don't just leave anyone behind, because you came to a union.
"And I believe there's a reason why you decided to come to a union with each other. So it's important to pull through together and stay committed to each other."
For Timothy, he emphasises that being together with someone means showing up and trying every day.
"Marriage is a constant effort, really, every day. You gotta put in the work every day, and it's really no joke. After going through what we went through, I think it really breaks us and moulds us, you know, to become stronger as a couple together," he said.
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