'If we sell, we'll never have a home this big again': What Singaporean parents do after the kids move out

It's said that one of the proudest and also saddest moments for parents is when their children have a home of their own and move out. But beyond the emotions, there's a real practical concern: many are left with homes with empty rooms, that are too big to manage, or that are now, finally, in a position to fund a long-planned retirement. 

What then happens to these homes, and how do Singaporeans react? This week, we spoke to some homeowners who explained what they do with their homes now that their children have moved out:

1. Holding on for future generations

TK and his wife have lived in the same unit at Maple Woods in Bukit Timah since the 1990s. The couple bought the unit after upgrading from a 4-room flat, and TK notes that such a move would probably not be possible today.

(Maple Woods averages $2,148 psf, and a unit of the size they own would exceed $2.9 million today; so the assessment is likely correct).

TK says one of his children moved out in 2019 when he got married, and the second one moved out in 2023 when he bought his own flat. This leaves a large (over 1,370 sq ft) unit for just TK and his wife. However, the couple remain reluctant to rightsize for now:

"If we downgrade, at prices nowadays, I think we won't have a chance to own a house of this size again. For now, either of our kids or grandkids can visit and stay over sometimes. If we sell, we won't have this kind of spare room."

TK's main objective, however, is to have a home to provide for his children or grandchildren:

"When I see the houses nowadays, I feel it's really pitiful, because all are so small. I want my children or grandchildren to have more space. And if there's ever any emergency, if they have money problems, they will always have a roof over their head if they have this house when we are gone."

One of the main benefits of Maple Woods is that TK's home is freehold, so he can also see it passed down to his grandchildren. 

However, he is not totally averse to the idea of rightsizing, if it becomes necessary for other reasons — one of his considerations, for instance, is if he or his wife has medical costs, needs live-in care, etc. But TK says they will "cross that bridge when we come to it," and for now, they intend to hold on to their home as long as they can.

2. Renovating instead of right-sizing

Our interviewee, who only wanted to be known as Feng, says she and her husband undertook a massive renovation of their unit once their two daughters had moved out. While they own a terrace house, Feng says that:

"Even though it's landed, it's not really big, in fact, I would say many three bedroom condos are bigger than our house. The layout was very old as it was built around 40 years ago, and it was so dark on the ground floor we sometimes turned on the light even before five o'clock."

Nonetheless, Feng and her husband are unwilling to move because they've lived in the same house since 2005; and the couple also said there are financing difficulties. 

This is due to the combination of their age, plus both of them being self-employed (variable income sources can further reduce the maximum loan amount). In addition, the terrace house is leasehold, so Feng says it's probably not worth much even if they sell it now.

As it's sufficient to last the couple to the end of their days, however, they've decided instead to stay put and renovate. This involved removing two bedrooms to open up the space, and implementing a smaller, open kitchen as Feng no longer cooks family dinners.

"Now the ground floor is a lot brighter," Feng says, "And we have a display area for some of our collectibles and for my paintings."

Feng says the cost of renovations was extensive, around $75,000 in total; this includes other works such as re-tiling the floors, custom cabinetry and a new TV wall, not just merging the rooms. She feels it would be roughly the same cost had they downsized and renovated a resale unit though.

3. Renting out the flat while moving in with children

CH says that after he and his wife got their own home, his parents made the decision to move in with him; but they opted not to sell their 4-room flat in Telok Blangah. 

This was to keep their options open in future, as well as to provide a stream of rental income. The idea to do this actually came from CH's sister, who is a property investor (although in commercial properties).

CH says that his parents are concerned about space issues, should any grandchildren arrive:

"We're currently living in a three-bedder, but it's not actually three-bedder size; it's about 800-ish sq ft, which is on the small side; and with both my parents here, it's about just right. But if we have a kid and they want their own room, then it will be a squeeze; so my parents have decided they will move back to their flat if and when that happens."

CH also says his sister, whilst a commercial property investor, still has experience in renting out properties; so she's able to manage this aspect of the flat while their parents can just collect rental income.

This took some persuading at first, as CH's mother was strongly opposed to the idea of strangers living in their home. In addition, renting out means his parents had to clear out a lot of their belongings, including some large religious statues and old furniture sets. Were it not for his father deciding to go ahead with it, CH says it's quite likely his parents' flat could be vacant right now.

He warns that "When you get older, what's important to you will change, so don't always trust that it will be easy to do the so-called reasonable thing 30 or 40 years down the road."

4. Rightsizing to a smaller home, but within the same project

YP previously lived in the same unit with his parents and his sister, but his father passed on in 2017, and his sister moved in with her boyfriend during Covid; this arrangement has since become permanent, as the two are intending to get married.

This left a large (1,500 + sq ft) unit with just YP and his mother, and YP says that:

"I also won't be staying here many more years, as me and my girlfriend are also intending to settle down, so it's too large and impractical for my mother to live alone. 

So me and my sister talked to my mum about it, and she agreed, but she wanted somewhere nearby. That way she could still be close to us, and still be close to her group of friends in this area."

The idea to find a smaller replacement home within the same project — a condo near the Tanah Merah MRT station — happened by coincidence. YP was actually looking up the details of a new launch nearby (Seneca Residence) when a comment on a forum mentioned one and two-bedders in their same project were so much cheaper.

Upon checking further, YP found listings that were $850,000 or below. He then spoke to a number of agents, and determined that the sale proceeds of his mother's property would cover the cost of a one-bedder in full, with cash leftover.

"We found a one-bedder in another block that was on a lower floor, so my mum was quite pleased. It was as if she didn't have to move at all. And the best part was it was already vacant, because the seller was renting it out, and it was just right that the previous tenancy had ended 1.5 months ago."

YP says it was less convenient for him though, as it meant he had to move out sooner than planned, given the speed at which things happened. He's currently renting a flat with his fiance while they wait for their home to be completed; but he feels they had good luck overall with his mother's move.

Whether it's holding on for the next generation, downsizing within the same condo, or simply remodelling the space for a new phase of life, there's no one-size-fits-all approach when the nest empties. But what's clear is that home ownership concerns change as the nest empties.

This article was first published in Stackedhomes.