'It was not an accident': MMA champion Angela Lee opens up on suicide attempt in 2017

When she survived a car accident in 2017, Angela Lee described it as a "miracle" that she was still alive.

The mixed martial arts champion, however, recently revealed the darker side to the incident — in that moment, she wasn't trying to live, but trying to die.

"It's taken me a long time to get to this place, but I've now reached a point where I am comfortable and confident enough to speak the full truth," Lee, 27, wrote in an article published on The Players' Tribune on Tuesday (Sept 19).

"Six years ago, I tried to end my life," she said. "My car crash in November 2017 was not an accident. It was a suicide attempt."

At age 20, Lee was "living the dream" as the first female world champion for One Championship. She had a brand-new car, got engaged and was ecstatic about planning her wedding.

But when the time came for her to defend her title again, the pressure got to her. 

"Pressure, stress, and expectations all began to build up. I had tunnel vision and thought that this upcoming fight was the most important thing in my life," Lee said.

To her, this was an "all or nothing" fight and that terrified her to no end. She felt that she "would rather take herself out of the equation" instead of facing her opponent and the expectations of those around her.

'Longest night of my life'

On Nov 6, 2017, Lee said she went through "the longest night of her life".

She suffered severe mental stress as she deliberated how and whether she could avoid her upcoming fight, trying to break her own arm or give herself a concussion.

"I was trying anything I could think of to escape from the situation I was in and get out of the fight," Lee recalled.

At 4am, she decided to get into her car and "leave it up to fate", driving to a highway near her home and speeding down a stretch of road bordered by a gulch.

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"I don't know how fast I was going. But it was as fast as my car could move. 

"I wanted to hit the guardrail as hard as I could, and I just remember turning the steering wheel and swerving and then hitting something, and then it was just … rolling," she wrote.

Her vehicle had flipped about five to six times after smashing into the guardrail, stopping about 100 metres away from the point of collision.

The crash left her with a concussion and minor burns. 

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Fragile, shattered and broken

In her article, Lee recalled her mental state after the accident: "I felt fragile, shattered. I was broken, and I needed to heal and put back the pieces all by myself.

"Some days are good, some are tough, but each day I choose to keep fighting."

With the support of her husband, Bruno Pucci, as well as the use of writing as a form of catharsis, Lee got on the road to recovery.

To date, Lee is the youngest-ever to win an MMA world title after defeating Mei Yamaguchi in 2016, and she has also become the longest-reigning champion in One Championship's history after five title defences.

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In her article, Lee also revealed that her younger sister, Victoria, had taken her own life. The latter, also an MMA fighter, died aged 18 on Dec 26, 2022.

Lee's sister was hailed as a martial arts prodigy, with several junior world championship titles under her belt. After her debut as a professional MMA fighter, she won all three MMA matches she was in, up till her death.

To prevent such tragedies happening to other young athletes, Lee created the non-profit organisation Fightstory.

"Fightstory was inspired by Victoria and the remarkable life that she lived at just 18 years old. Fightstory is just as much hers as it is mine. It's something we created together, to save lives and to try and make the world a better place.

"We want people to know that although you may feel lonely in your fight with mental health, you are not alone," Lee wrote.

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khooyihang@asiaone.com