Maid asked to care for 104-year-old man and share bed with him breaks down, MOM investigating

Caregiver burnout is, unfortunately, a very real phenomenon. For one maid, the stress of looking after her 92-year-old employer and her 104-year-old husband proved too much to handle.

The Ministry of Manpower is looking into the matter after the Myanmar national, 25, broke down in early November while taking her employer out on a walk, Lianhe Wanbao reported.

The domestic helper had suddenly started crying and refused to return home, the couple's 65-year-old son told the Chinese evening daily.

His brother subsequently called the police for assistance as he was afraid she would harm herself, he said.

The police confirmed that a report was lodged.

Overworked, scolded and made to share bed with man, says maid

In an interview with Lianhe Wanbao, the maid, who has been working for the family since December 2019, alleged that she was made to wake up every half an hour to help the elderly man use the bathroom at night.

Just months after she started work, he was admitted to the hospital.

Things got worse after he was discharged — she was forced to share a bed with him, she alleged.

"His family said they were worried he would fall, so they asked me to sleep on the same bed as him so it's more convenient to take care of him," said the woman, who wishes to remain anonymous.

"I objected, but they told me I could not say no."

[[nid:488704]]

Whenever the elderly man had problems using the toilet, ate too slowly or refused to exercise, she would get scolded by his 33-year-old grandson, she said.

She had previously been stopped from seeking medical attention despite experiencing bleeding from her right ear and a high fever, she added.

She also alleged that she had been stopped from accessing her salary, which was paid out monthly via bank transfer.

Family denies maid's allegations

In response to the maid's allegations, the elderly man's son maintained that his son helps the maid to care for the couple.

The family understands that caring for two elderly people is not easy and even gave the maid a $200 raise last month, claimed the man.

Challenging the maid's account, he said that his father visits the toilet every two hours, rather than every 30 minutes as she had claimed.

The family had also obtained the maid's agreement before deciding that she would share a bed with his father, he contended.

Regarding the allegations of his son berating the maid, he explained, "Because my son and the maid have a language barrier, when he loses his patience he may have used a harsh tone. But he is definitely not blaming the maid."

The maid had not told him about any health issues, he said, adding, "This year, there's the Covid-19 pandemic. If she has a fever, we will also be scared. How could we stop her from seeing a doctor?"

He also denied the allegations of his family stopping her from wiring her salary, saying, "I discussed with her. We agreed to wait until her salary has accumulated before I bring her to wire the money. She agreed to this at the time."

Accused of abuse by maid agency employee

Following the maid's breakdown in November, she was sent back to her agency.

Just two days later, the family received a call from an employee of the agency, the elderly man's son said.

"The female employee kept telling my mother that we abused the maid and scared my mother by claiming they would make it a legal matter."

After receiving multiple phone calls from the agency, his mother was so stressed that she was admitted to hospital for shortness of breath, he said.

As a result, the family subsequently made another police report.

The maid agency has since apologised to the elderly woman, it told Lianhe Wanbao, adding that her grandson has also apologised for his attitude towards the maid.

The matter is under police and MOM investigation, said the agency, declining to comment further.

Maids caring for elderly often overworked: Study

According to a recent study by the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) and Humanitarian Organisation for Migration Economics, titled Neither Family Nor Employee, maids caring for the elderly are often overworked.

Of the 25 maids interviewed, 21 also experienced regular disruptions to their sleep.

Commenting on the findings, Shailey Hingorani, the head of research and advocacy at Aware, cautioned, "Unless we pay specific attention to the consequences of caregiving on the mental and physical health of migrant domestic workers, we run the risk of compromising the quality of care given to our elders — a lose-lose scenario."

kimberlylim@asiaone.com