'Only thing I know could numb my pain': Man opens up about his 30-year heroin addiction

For drug abusers, getting over the addiction is easier said than done and the process can be long, especially if they were to encounter relapses. 

Someone who knows this only too well is a man who goes by the name Rosezeli, a heroin addict who has been in and out of the Drug Rehabilitation Centre (DRC) four times. 

Rosezeli's story was recently shared in a TikTok on Sept 23 by Minister of State for Home Affairs and National Development Muhammad Faishal Ibrahim.

In the video, Faishal said that among the drug abusers arrested in 2020, about 40 per cent of them are less than 40 years old. 

"Rehabilitation is like guiding the abusers out of the tunnel if they choose to walk with us," Faishal said at the start of the video before introducing Rosezeli.

"He stumbled a few times on his recovery journey but he's still going strong." 

30 years heroin addiction

In the video, Rosezeli said he first got into drugs while he was around 17 and his addiction to heroin went on for about 30 years. 

"The first time I took drugs, I didn't care about the consequences. I just kept going," he said. 

"[It was] like I was waking in a long tunnel with no end in sight. And the more I took, the further I was from the people I loved". 

One factor that got him into drugs was peer pressure, said Rosezeli, adding that he was stuck in a "never-ending cycle to prove [his] worth to the wrong people". 

He also "kept doing the same mistakes", which made him go in and out of DRC multiple times. 

Unfortunately, during one of his terms there, his parents passed away.

And later when he was out of DRC, he found himself feeling "lost and alone". 

As he "didn't know how to manage emotions", he ended up relapsing and taking drugs again as "it was the only thing that I know that could numb my pain".

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Thankfully, the personal supervisors at DRC helped him in his recovery journey and he was even surprised by how useful his counselling sessions in prison were, said Rosezeli in the video.

One session that made him want to quit drugs for good was called An Empty Chair.

Here, Rosezeli was placed in a room with two empty chairs — one for him and one for an "imaginary character". 

During these sessions, he would talk to the "imaginary character", whom he decided would be his parents.

Occasionally, he also had to pretend to be his parents to see things from their point of view and Rosezeli described these sessions as "emotionally very hard". 

"Now I understand what my parents really wanted," he rawly shared. 

In the video captions, Faishal said that it's all thanks to the strong community support and encouragement Rosezeli received from his DRC personal supervisors and counsellors that he managed to overcome his addiction and turned his life around.

According to the Central Narcotics Bureau, heroin is a "powerful and addictive drug" that can make abusers feel "dull and tired very easily". 

Penalties for possession or consumption of heroin include up to 10 years of imprisonment and/or a $20,000 fine. Those who illegally traffic, import or export amounts of more than 15 grams may face the death penalty. 

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melissateo@asiaone.com