On the fifth day of Chinese New Year about two decades ago, local actor Jeffrey Xu, originally from Shanghai, went out with his family members to have their reunion dinner nearby.

The 36-year-old told AsiaOne in a recent interview that his aunt, uncle, older cousin and the latter's fiancee boarded the first taxi and he was told to take the second car.

It became the last time he saw them alive.

"As the taxi they were in took a U-turn, an oncoming vehicle that beat the red lights crashed into them. The driver and my cousin's fiancee survived the accident, but the others died, just in that moment," Jeffrey recounted.

For a few months after their deaths, he remained in a state of confusion and "wasn't able to accept it".

"I was like 'blur blur', until a few months later when I came to a realisation that I had lost three people in my life. I didn't have a huge breakdown, but there were a few times I wept in private when I saw the items that my cousin had given me," Jeffrey shared, adding that the latter had doted on him.

So when it comes to death and learning to let go, Jeffrey told us candidly that he avoids thinking about it.

"I am afraid and reluctant to talk about it, because I am satisfied with my life now, I am very blissful and don't want to lose anyone in my life. When death comes one day to those around me, that would be a very big change in my life," he said.

"I hope to treasure what I have now and not think about unhappy memories. That's letting go for real, because I would be able to maintain my positivity and have hope for life, to love and care for people around me. The notion of 'letting go' is actually to let go of negativity and concepts of death. I think I would live happier like this."

Jeffrey shared his experiences with us while promoting his latest drama Coded Love, where he plays Lu Han, who grows up in an orphanage with a harsh environment. Life becomes hopeful when he meets Lin Siyu (Carrie Wong), who accompanies him through his difficulties and their friendship eventually turns into love.

However, Siyu dies in a road accident and Lu Han, overwhelmed by grief, disappears, leaving their young son Xiaoming with his grandmother.

Xiaoming (Richie Koh) grows up without the memories of his past and creates an AI hologram of the late Siyu, which allows them to make up for lost time. When Lu Han, who is estranged from Xiaoming, finds out about the AI hologram, long buried memories eventually surface.

'I miss you very much'

When asked who he would want to bring to life through an AI hologram, Jeffrey said his late grandmother, whom he had a close relationship with.

"My grandmother was someone who loved life. She would bring stray cats home to take care of them. She also loved planting and would grow her own plants and crops to add to her dishes when she cooked. We always felt that she had a fulfilling life. She remains a benevolent person in our memories," Jeffrey recounted fondly.

When his aunt and her family died in the accident, his family kept the news from his grandmother, but the elderly woman eventually realised it on her own and kept her feelings to herself.

He said: "She didn't speak, she just went to do her own things, but we noticed that she was actually crying."

His grandmother died at age 100, a few years after the fatal accident.

If given the opportunity, what would Jeffrey want to say to her?

"I would tell her, 'Grandma, I miss you very much'," he shared, adding that he would introduce his wife, actress Felicia Chin, to her.

Jeffrey also said: "I would tell her about my changes throughout these years and where I am now. My grandfather was a Singaporean and I would tell her how coincidental it was that I am living here after participating in a competition (Star Search). Even my wife is Singaporean and I am very blissful now."

Coded Love is now available on demand for free on Mewatch and airs weekdays at 9pm on Channel 8.

yeo.shuhui@asiaone.com

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