PUBLISHED ONMarch 06, 2025 5:20 AMByYeo Shu HuiWhen South Korean girl group (G)I-dle held their first performance tour after the Covid-19 pandemic, one of the members Minnie felt that something wasn't "normal" with herself.
"We hadn't met people for a year [because of Covid-19]... and meeting so many of them suddenly, maybe I couldn't adjust, I started to panic," the 27-year-old Thai shared in the latest episode of Thai host Woody Milintachinda's podcast released yesterday (March 5).
She added that she felt overwhelmed by the attention when she performed on stage.
Minnie recounted: "I felt their eyes looking at me, and I felt like, 'Why are they looking? What are they looking at?' Even though they are fans who like us and came to see us and it was our dream to have a world tour.
"And I felt like, 'Why do I feel like this?' When someone raised their camera to take photos, I would think, 'What are they filming? Did we do something wrong? Why do they have to film us?' I was arguing with myself and wondering why these thoughts came to my mind."
She even felt like she heard voices in her head telling her to leave.
"It felt like there was a devil and angel in my head. The devil was telling me, 'You shouldn't be here. They don't welcome you here.' On the other hand, the angel was saying, 'No, they came to see us. Why are you thinking like this?'
"But at the time, I felt that the devil's presence was very big. I would hear it telling me to leave this place, and I just knew I had to get out of there."
When the performance ended, Minnie said she broke down in tears and the same situation happened for several days consecutively after their performances.
The girl group would fly to different cities for their shows and Minnie said she would wake up confused about where she was. She didn't tell anyone — even her parents — about what she was experiencing because she didn't want them to worry.
It came to a point when she had an outburst of emotions one day.
Minnie recounted: "As soon as I reached my hotel room and closed the door, I cried uncontrollably. I thought to myself, 'Why do I feel like this? What's happening?'... I was sitting on the bed and there was a window beside it. Although the curtains were closed, I felt like someone was watching me all the time and I couldn't sleep.
"Even though I knew there was nobody outside, I just felt like I was imagining someone staring at me all the time. That's when I thought to myself that this isn't normal."
During the time, she also noticed changes in herself.
"If I went outside and to a place with many people, I wouldn't feel okay, even though I'm a person who loves meeting people. During that time when I met people, I would look at the floor all the time."
She also felt burnt out and unwilling to go anywhere or do anything and wondered why she was feeling this way.
Minnie spoke to her manager and they went to see a doctor after returning to South Korea a week later.
"They said it was depression and panic," she revealed.
Looking back at what she had experienced, Minnie realised she had overlooked signs along the way and reflected on the importance of taking care of her mental health.
She said: "Sometimes, we don't have time and tend to overlook this even though it's actually very important. Like when we're physically sick, we have to go see a doctor and take medicine.
"Mental health is equally very important, you have to make time for this, otherwise, it has consequences on everything and you can't do anything."
She also shared that her doctor said her panic attacks were probably triggered because she couldn't adjust to her surroundings in time.
"It might be because we travel all the time, we don't stay in one place, a stable location, where I feel safe enough to be my home," she shared.
Minnie was also told by her doctor that her perfectionist streak could also have led to her mental health situation and told her to be kinder to herself and not pressure herself too much.
She added that she was lucky to have good friends and team members who supported her during that period so that she was able to pull herself together in the end.
Minnie also learnt the importance of self-acceptance and moving on: "I think your mindset is very important. If we can change our mindset or if you can accept yourself, it really gets better.
"For example, you made a mistake today and it's not okay, so accept that, it has already happened. It's okay, try again the next time. You must accept it and be ready to move on from this… Once you dare to accept who you are, it helps so much. Learn how to let go, learn to not give a damn."
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