Frequent fights, cold shoulders, silent rooms and a house that seems to be in the gloom — an unhappy marriage can be a major contributor to your mental health issues. A toxic, emotionally abusive environment not only aggravates your anger and resentment against your partner but also increases internal frustrations.

Toxic relationships can induce stress and shorten lifespans, and can also create a dent in your self-esteem if you do not take control at the earliest. While every marriage will have a bad phase, one with seemingly no light at the end of the tunnel can make you feel lost.

It can lead to more serious problems like depression and anxiety. But how do you know if you are frustrated in your marriage? Make sure to watch out for these signs.

5 red flags indicating you are frustrated in your marriage

1. Your partner dominates what you do

If your partner is dominating and does not allow you to do things your way, it can lead to a build up of frustration that’s difficult to explain.

While either partner can have different viewpoints on the same topic, one person taking charge of the room isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship.

It can gravely damage your self-worth and make you question your own beliefs. In any loving relationship, shared power is healthier.

2. Your partner offers unconstructive criticism

A supportive partner will appreciate you for who you are and will always encourage you to work upon yourself and improve – both personally and professionally.

In fact, a healthy relationship will see partners making constructive criticism about each other, and the feedback will help you both grow together.

However, the difference between constructive feedback and humiliation can be subtle.

For instance, if you shared with your partner that you plan to begin baking professionally, your partner can have two responses. They can respond, “That’s great, you can finally use your skill to make a living,” or choose to say, “You are just wasting your time, but you can try.”

Now, you know which one is a constructive response and how it can be a motivator. Your partner needs to be a pillar of support and you do tend to reach out to them for validation. However, a judgemental tone and critical words only add to the frustrations.

3. Your partner is controlling

If your partner has control over how you spend your time, who your friends are and how you spend your money, it’s a major red flag in any relationship.

Such behaviour from your partner also can include take you for granted, dumping all the household chores, as well as the responsibilities of the children on you

It’s just adding to the pent up frustration, not to forget the feeling of suffocation at all times.

4. Your partner has the last word in an argument

There will always be good days and bad days in a relationship and you will find yourself or your partner compromising at different points to make things work.

However, if your partner always has the last word in an argument, that’s keeping you frustrated in marriage.

Make adjustments and compromises depending on the situation to avoid being frustrated in marriage. Lose the battle if it means you win the war. However, if you are the only one compromising, it’s time to put your foot down on things.

5. Your partner is depressed

People who are depressed may not be aware of it themselves but will project that same feeling onto others in the household. Depression is contagious and it can’t be contained using a face mask.

That’s why depressed people are likely to pull down others around them, especially ones closer to them. And it is you who is often left frustrated by the hostile behaviour.

4. ways to manage your frustration in a relationship

Frustration leads to anger, which leads to resentment that can easily drive the wedge between a relationship. Sadly, if uncontrolled, you are more likely to lash out at others that may not be related to your problems.

Children, co-workers, extended family members and more could be at the receiving end of your frustrating behaviour.

But being frustrated in marriage can be managed, which will only help mend the broken parts of any romantic relationship. Do you want to remove the frustration? Try these four ways:

1. Avoid cutting your partner off

It’s easier to simply leave the room and slam the door behind you in the middle of a fight. The silent treatment may stop the argument but it has done little to save your relationship.

We understand you need to take time out in fights, especially when they start getting ugly. However, if that leads to more anger and resentment, it’s just delaying the inevitable.

Instead, communicate to your partner that you need to walk away to organise your thoughts. And maybe your partner needs to do the same too. For the frustration to release, you will need to communicate and that can only happen when either partner is willing to listen to each other’s perspective.

At the same time, if one partner is giving the silent treatment and you can’t get them to talk to you, do not force them. Instead, do share what you need to say and give them time to come back and speak to you when they’re ready.

2. Focus on yourself

It’s only natural to reach out to your partner first when you care about them. However, each individual has a mind of their own and you cannot control anyone’s thoughts, behaviours or emotions.

So, please, take the time out to help yourself first instead of reaching out to your partner.

This is applicable to both you and your partner. If you are the one angry, you may want to remove yourself from the situation and concentrate on maintaining your mental wellbeing.

3. Do not involve a third person

It may seem natural to go on an uncontrolled rant with friends, co-workers or even a therapist about everything wrong with your spouse. However, involving a third person can cause long-term damage to a relationship.

Speaking to a third person instead of the partner does not make the problem go away. While it’s completely okay to vent, you still need to go back and work on the problem with your partner.

At the same time, speaking to a third person like a therapist or a common friend can also help you find a new perspective on the situation. But, if you are seeking validation from the third person, it’s best avoided.

4. Do not bring up past issues

Frustration is usually a culmination of several pent up issues coming to the surface. Sometimes, all it will take is a trigger to let all of it out, which may be several issues of the past coming together. In hindsight, you will realise that the reaction was completely unwarranted but letting all that frustration out felt good.

However, a blow-up like that can have long-lasting damage to your relationship. It’s also immature to bring up past issues, especially when they can be humiliating. It just shows the desperation to settle scores.

So, rather than pulling out issues from the grave, shift your focus to resolving the problem at hand. It’s not just a sign of personal maturity but will also help save your relationship.

Do remember, you only bring 50 per cent to a marriage, and the other 50 per cent needs to be contributed by your partner. Any relationship needs to be that of equals to make it healthy.

Only then can you grow into it and also build that intimacy. So, do not be frustrated in marriage over petty issues. Work with your partner and seek professional help if necessary. 

This article was first published in theAsianparent.