8 Singapore dishes you should never order on a first date

These are the anti-aphrodisiacs of local food, trust us!

1. Laksa

Slippery noodles that keep splashing back into a rich, lemak curry soup means your brand new $180 date-night shirt won’t look anything like it by the end of your meal.

2. Bak kut teh

To get it tasting that delicious, they put a lot of garlic cloves and pepper into the soup. Warning: flatulence ahead. Also, trying to plate your chewed-up prime rib bones in the neatest fashion is not something any of us has fathomed so far.

3. Satay

Your mum probably didn’t tell you this but there is no dignified, elegant way to eat a stick of satay. First, you have to gnaw continuously at the tip of the meat, work your teeth down the rest of it and then risk stabbing your tonsils with the skewer even as you try to unplug the remaining meat from the stick. And that’s just the work for one stick of satay.

4. Sliced fish soup or fishball noodles

That fishy post-meal breath will not get you a goodnight kiss.

5. Hainanese chicken rice

We don’t know anyone who eats this without the potent garlicky chilli. And we don’t know anyone who eats this without having garlicky breath. It’s one of those things that smells nice only if you are the one eating it.

6. Sambal kangkong

Dark leafy vegetables stuck in your teeth is a libido-dampening sight on a first date. Add pungent sambal to the formula and you may never have a second one.

7. Chilli or black pepper crab

They always say this is a must-try dish in Singapore but did they ever tell you just how hard, messy and unglam it is to extract the littlest flesh from an uncooperative, spindly crustacean leg?

8. Red bean or green bean soup

Drink this and check your teeth in the mirror. Chances are you will have a lot of red or green husks stuck between every tooth.

ALSO READ: 7 ways you might be unknowingly ruining your healthy meal

This article was first published in Wonderwall.sg.