Being selfish, staying patient, and other expert tips for happiness in life

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” “Happy.” Even when we have the rare clarity of mind to seek happiness in life, though, it’s undeniably easier said than found.

The road through life is tangled and treacherous with worries , and it’s no straightforward feat figuring out how to nurture joy in our daily routines.

While there’s no one-size-fits-all roadmap to happiness, we can draw some wisdom from those who’ve traversed the way. The co-founder and chairman of Koh Samui’s Kamalaya Wellness Sanctuary & Holistic Spa, John Stewart lived as a monk in the Himalayas for 16 years.

These years taught him much about simplicity, love, and giving – the bedrock on which happiness is built, and upon which he developed Kamalaya. Here, he shares some lessons he lives by for lasting happiness.

Be kind to one another

The Dalai Lama says: Happiness is not money, happiness is warmheartedness. Happiness comes through our relationships. We are individuals, but as mere individuals we can’t truly be happy.

Take these challenging times that we’re in right now – they show that with social distance comes loneliness. So if you can’t touch someone with your hands, touch them with your heart.

Be selfish

“No, really?” you might be thinking. “Isn’t that the opposite of what I should be doing?” Let us explain: When you get a new car, you feel fabulous. But after a while, it is just a car. And when you think about that car you bought five years ago, it doesn’t make you feel happy anymore.

Yet, when you look back on the times you made a difference to a young child’s life, or affected someone’s life in a positive way, you’re likely to feel happy even many years later. So be selfish by doing some good – kindness doesn’t ultimately mean being self-sacrificing.

Be in the moment

In some way, happiness is our natural state of being. Simply focusing your energy on being in the moment can in itself naturally create a sense of happiness. When we’re looking at a plant or a person, a baby or a friend, we forget all the other things that clutter our minds for a moment.

And when these things aren’t there, what is left is our happiness.

Set intentions

Many people are unhappy – and quite often, it’s because they don’t have some toy that they want, or the relationship that they want, or the job that they want. In this sense, it’s not even truly unhappiness, but rather envy and jealousy.

Once you’re aware of this truth, you can turn away from these things with very little effort.

Be positive instead: what do you want to create? To reach happiness, you’ll need to set an intention and make that reality happen. And as you focus on your intention to create a joyful future, you will not be distracted by small envies and you’ll be happier for it.

Have a goal

On a related note, there is happiness in having specific goals to work towards. Let’s say you’re planning a trip – even before you’ve reached your destination, your imagination starts kicking in.

You dream about all the things you’re going to do, the people you’ll meet, the great food you’ll enjoy, and the new things you will learn.

Just thinking about it gives you the experience of happiness that you expect to feel  ­- and you haven’t even left your apartment yet.

Surprise someone

A sweet note under the windshield wiper, a surprise dinner – the joy that another person offers you, when you affect their life in a positive way, is happiness. And as with acts of kindness, such happiness has a long life because every time you remember it, you feel happy again.

Keep your mind free of the bad stuff

Each day, our minds are filled up with everything that is wrong in the world – all the bad decisions and hurtful things happening around us. And if you allow your mind to get dragged into it the minute you wake up, it’ll influence your mood for the whole day.

At the start of each day, do something that fills you with happiness instead. 

Every day when I wake up I sing, and it gives me incredible joy. I have sung the same song for the last 44 years – and I’ve started almost every day with a smile.

Make this world a better place (Or at least try)

Despite all the problems we face, we have to try to see in them opportunities for ourselves. What are we going to do? What are you going to do? We don’t make the world a better place simply by knowing that someone else did something wrong. We only make it a better place if we do something right.

Every time you help somebody, you make the world better. One brick at a time, one life at a time, one heartbeat at a time.

Be patient

Last but not least, patience. Our biggest struggle is with time and impatience – we all want things now, even though everything has a time and a place. Once you want something, you must believe that you will get it eventually. Insisting on having it immediately, though, only creates unhappiness.

The solution is to pay attention to what’s happening around you to see what is there for you – and what isn’t (yet). As such, you won’t constantly run up against these walls of trying to make things happen when the time isn’t right.

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