Well, almost. Because times have truly changed – since the start of this sad and strange mask-wearing, temperature-checking, flour-and-toilet-paper hoarding year.

Last time, policemen wear shorts; now your kids call the shots. So this is a 2020 reboot of what you nag your children about.

Washing hands

LAST TIME: You don’t wash so long and waste water yeah! And stop playing with the soap and making bubbles!

NOW: You wash long long, waste water is fine as long as you clean your hands and arms thoroughly, and use soap!

Eating vegetables

LAST TIME: Must always eat more vegetables or else you get pimples, constipation and piles.

NOW: Make sure you eat only organic vegetables grown hydroponically in Singapore or else you get E.coli, lau sai and piles.

Handphone usage

LAST TIME: Don’t always take out your handphone hor.

NOW: Did you bring your handphone out not? You don’t forget to do safe entry at the bubble tea shop or at the library, okay?

Using the Internet

LAST TIME: Stop going online! You whole day use ICQ/MSN/Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/TikTok.

NOW: Can teach mummy how to use Zoom for my meeting with big boss later, please?

Wearing too little

LAST TIME: Don’t tell me you are going out in that.

NOW: Don’t tell me you are doing your Tik Tok dance in that.

Knowing their friends

LAST TIME: Why you never invite your friends over for me to see who you are mixing with?

NOW: Why that day I can still see your Instagram posts but today, it’s a blank page? Did you block me?

Getting help in the kitchen

LAST TIME: Why nobody ever offers to help me in the kitchen!

NOW: Can you let me use the kitchen and stop making your Dalgona coffee and banana bread for your Instagram Stories – we cannot eat those for dinner!

Finishing food on the plate

LAST TIME: You know how many hungry, starving kids there are in ?

NOW: You know how much this cost me, with those ridiculous food delivery fees! Even after using promo code!

Showing grumpy face

LAST TIME: Young man, you don’t scowl at me.

NOW: Young man, are you scowling at me from behind your mask?

This article was first published in Wonderwall.sg.