MMA fighter Amir Khan wanted to run away from Singapore and never come back

Becoming is a series where we showcase individuals who have had to overcome adversity to become the person they are today.

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All through his childhood and into his young adult life, Amir Khan carried with him a chip on his shoulder.

Growing up with Tourette's, which causes one to make uncontrollable movements or sounds (called tics), he was plagued by low self-confidence and constantly worried about what people thought of him. As a result, it was especially hard for him to fit in in school. 

Amir would often come home in tears due to bullies who made fun of him, and it hurt more when the bullies were girls. He remembers sobbing to his dad, "I'll never have a wife or girlfriend".

The 25-year-old mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter is able to laugh at the memory now, and not just because he's not only got a beautiful wife and an adorable 18-month-old boy. But more than that, he's managed to shrug off that constant niggling self-doubt.

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The Amir we see now is relaxed, self-aware and confident, with nary a tic in sight. Through the years he's learnt to control his tics when before, "I couldn't even speak properly". But the air of composure he exudes now was, for lack of a better word, hard-fought.

He dropped out of school in Secondary 5 to pursue his MMA dreams, after convincing his parents to let him train in the US for three months. But his hidden agenda was to never come back. 

"Part of the reason why I went to US was because it would be a fresh start. People will just know me as Amir Khan, Muay Thai fighter, without the association (of Tourette's)."

While he wanted to "run away from his problems", he realised he would never be able to return to Singapore if he didn't serve NS, and realised it "wasn't a good decision".

His pursuit of happiness

Living in the US also didn't make him happier. 

"I realised there’s no escaping your past. Now I’m embracing it, this is who I am and I’m so strong today because of it."

But a deeper change in the One Championship fighter occurred after suffering a series of losses last year, the last of which hit him hard and made him question his place in the sport.

"All the negativity poured into my head… for that one week I was kind of in a depressed state," he shares.

It got so bad that when he looked at his family, "somehow I convinced myself that they were disgusted with me and ashamed and embarrassed because I lost. But they actually were not".

The change from self-pity to self-awareness happened in a snap by the end of the week, and he realised he had much to be grateful for.

"Failures happen right, and every journey is different. It doesn't mean if you fail at the beginning you won't find success in the end.

"I'm living my journey, living my life and I'm doing what I love every day so (I should) just be grateful and not feel sorry for myself. My mind was almost unbreakable after that."

And that mindset shift has followed him a year on. Now, he simply follows his heart.

"My whole life when I had this Tourette syndrome, when I walked on the street I always worried about what other people thought of me and over time it just became ingrained. It took me a while to get rid of that habit and now, I just do whatever I want."

And that also explains all the entertaining Tik Tok videos that he has been making with his wife, who's a YouTuber.

"If it makes me happy, it makes me happy. So I post dancing videos because I don't care what people think, 'cos if anyone knows me, I'm the worst dancer you can find. If I just feel like doing it, I do it, I don't care what people think about me."

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So what would the Amir now say to his 15-year-old self If he had the chance to?

"I'll say don't run away from who you are, be true to yourself and believe that you'll do great things someday. Have self-belief and own up to who you are."

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He adds: "When I go out on my deathbed, I want to know I lived life every moment enjoying it, doing something that has a deeper meaning. You have to find something that brings you that purpose in life."

Watch the video to find out more from our intimate and personal conversation with the Singaporean mixed martial artist champ and how he aims to be a better version of himself every single day.

candicecai@asiaone.com