In 'toxic workplaces', the rot starts at the top

Early in my career, I crossed paths with a manager who was a little too eager to prove himself. He was an anxious sort of man, who tended to hover. Some colleagues who reported to him felt he micro-managed their work, and made unreasonable demands on their time.

One night, a few of us were working late on an assignment from our respective homes, while chatting online.

It wasn't an urgent project; no clocks would have stopped the next day, and no heads would have been chopped, if we didn't hammer home our final bullet point before dawn.

Yet it was in the wee hours of the night when I finally nodded off, with my laptop still open on my coffee table.

While I slept, the manager sent an email to the entire team, asking if anyone knew I had gone. Since it was well past two o'clock, nobody was awake to reply to him.

For someone in that email chain, it was the last straw. He complained to our boss, who promptly sat all of us down in her office: The complainant, the manager, and myself.

We need to have a talk, she said, about how we treat one another around here. In no uncertain terms, she laid out boundaries that should not be crossed.

She emphasised that this was a workplace in which all team members were treated with kindness, and where their personal time was respected. When she was done, she gave each person the chance to speak.

She only ever had to do this once.

Be prompt, be explicit, be transparent

I was a junior executive then, with few reference points for good or poor management. But as lessons on leadership go, that single half-hour in my boss's office was more effective than any thesis or masterclass could ever be.

There are other ways my boss could have gone about it. Most people, I think, would have opted to speak privately to the individuals involved.

Why embarrass one of your deputies in front of a junior staff? Wouldn't that disempower him, and make his job more difficult? Might word spread, and others feel emboldened to push back against their managers?

I've replayed that memory in my head a hundred times, and I wouldn't have changed a thing.

First, she acted promptly. Had she dithered, there would be more time for whispers to spread beyond the individuals involved.

Perceived unfairness, met with inaction, hardens into a perfect little pill for resentment. Energy that could have been channelled into productive work, would have gone into grumbling, gossiping, and malaise.

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Second, she spoke explicitly. She specified behaviours that were unacceptable. And crucially, she explained the values and culture that underpinned how we would operate as a team.

Her message went beyond any isolated incident. It shaped our future decisions on how we interacted with each other at all levels - with camaraderie, and decency.

Third, she did all of this transparently. She gave a consistent message to all parties concerned, and she gave all parties the chance to say their piece.

There would be no second-guessing about what one person heard from her, as opposed to another. There was no attempt to keep things under wraps.

Not everyone is comfortable with this level of openness, especially on issues that we find sensitive and awkward. That's especially the case in a society that puts stock in "saving face".

But it's important to note that throughout the session, my boss was never rude, and never raised her voice. Her intention was not to humiliate anybody. It was for us to become a stronger team.

Detox is hard work

When you're part of a healthy and high-performing team, it feels effortless - like the stars simply aligned, and like-minded souls gathered beneath them.

Spoiler: That's not what happened.

Team building is arduous, relentless work. It is never the product of chance, and should never be left unattended. It takes planning and effort to bring teams together. It also takes a watchful eye to spot individuals who behave poorly to others, and the backbone to respond decisively to red flags.

Leaders can, and must, nip isolated incidents in the bud before they turn corrosive.

They must also make wise decisions on whom to reward and promote, since this determines who holds power over others, and sets a benchmark for what the organisation values.

Respectful and considerate behaviours at work are not about a culture war between the "boomers" and the "strawberries", or the driven and the weak. Nor is it a popularity contest. It's about doing right by the organisation, and the people in it.

Before looking up, look in a mirror

For those of us who find ourselves in a position of any authority at work, we must keep mirrors on our walls. Every leader has his or her blind spots.

If we choose to work late into the night, every night, we can't expect all of our staff to do the same. If we are prone to fits of temper, we must keep our own worst impulses in check.

For those of us who aren't in leadership positions, let's not think this absolves us from responsibility.

Each of us holds power and influence over others, in myriad subtle ways. And we are all a little prone to seeing ourselves as heroes and victims, rather than part of the problem.

If we find ourselves sliding into patterns of toxicity - from constantly blaming and speaking ill of team members, or undermining them at every opportunity - then the same rules apply.

Be prompt, be explicit, be transparent. Take your grievances to the person you have a beef with; and failing that, take it to the higher-ups to propose an intervention.

If they strive to be good leaders, they will do something about it. If they don't, then the door is open - go forth, and be free.

This article was first published in The Business Times. Permission required for reproduction.