'I leave them something that money cannot replace': Hospice patients pass on memories through legacy videos

SINGAPORE - Before she died of lung cancer in December 2023, former nurse Rosalind Seet, 88, had several video clips recorded for her family. In these videos, she reminisced about her days as a nurse and her memories of Changi Hospital, where she used to work. There was also a clip of her enjoying a day at her day hospice, Oasis@Outram.

Watching the clips after her death, her son Lyndon Chew, 59, said he realised how much she enjoyed working as a nurse. When he was growing up, he would be in the car when his father drove his mother to and from work, but he knew little about her working life.

"After secondary school, she joined the nursing profession, and she retired as a nurse. She had a lot of adventures and stories to tell," said the financial adviser, who has an older sister and younger brother. "If I miss her, I can watch the videos again."

The clips are also meant for her seven grandchildren and five-year-old great-grandson. "If you don't have something like that, some of the memories get lost," said Mr Chew. 

Ms Seet was among the 120 individuals who have had such legacy videos made for them by volunteers from Wings, a non-profit organisation focused on helping women to age well. It is a new initiative, an idea that came out of a digital skills course, that is slowly gaining acceptance here among seniors and those who are terminally ill.

The volunteers, or senior digital ambassadors, as they are called, started making the videos in May 2022, when they learnt how to produce them at Digital Ties That Bind, a series of workshops conducted at Wings and supported by a Digital for Life grant from the Infocomm Media Development Authority.

First, they filmed active seniors at Wings and their friends or relatives. In June 2023, they branched out to making clips for the day hospice patients at Oasis@Outram, which is co-located with Outram Community Hospital. They have now also started to make video clips for residents at the MWS Bethany Nursing Home in Choa Chu Kang.

When the patients are not sharing stories from their past, they could be talking about how they would like their funeral to be conducted or giving advice to their loved ones or fellow patients.

Before Mr Akbar Abdul Kader, 67, filmed his video on Dec 28, 2023, he told The Straits Times that he was initially reluctant, until he saw that it was an opportunity to do a good turn.

"Most of them (at the hospice) have given up on their life but they should not give up. I want them to take their medication regularly and I want them to be happy. I want them to talk, interact, and not bottle everything up… You have the opportunity to come here, you should be thankful," he said.

When Mr Akbar, who had spent 43 years as a ship navigator, was diagnosed with heart failure more than a decade ago, he was told that he was dying, and his wife quit her nursing job to care for him. "But I survived," he said.

"Am I worried about death? Am I prepared for death? Let me explain to you: Nobody's prepared for death. Nobody," he said. 

"As a patient, you must accept what you have. You cannot give up. Life is not over until it's over. Cherish every moment." 

The magnitude of those words is not lost on Mr Chua Cheng Huat, 67, a former plumber who has metastatic stomach cancer.

He came to the Oasis@Outram hospice for the interview with the reporter in late December, after recovering from a bout of Covid-19, dressed up for the photo shoot in a hat, blazer and sunglasses. A toy gun completed the look.

He said that he was diagnosed with cancer more than a year ago, and he is in pain.

In his video, he spoke in Hokkien about his teenage years - he wasn't interested in school - and how he met his wife at an ice-skating rink. He also said that he does not want expensive treatments to prolong his life because his family cannot afford it, and he does not want to burden his 64-year-old wife and only daughter financially. A simple funeral will do, he added.

Making such a video forces the patient to confront death. It can be an emotionally charged process, as was the case for Mr Chua, who said he almost broke down in tears during the making of it and later on, while viewing it.

It is hard to stare death in the face, but Mr Eric Ong, 76, a retired renovation contractor who was diagnosed with kidney cancer in 2008 and referred to the day hospice several years ago, wants to do that. His cancer has spread.

Mr Ong said he had been to funerals from a young age, and was not afraid to look into the coffin each time. "I am not afraid of death and dying. I've spoken to the patients here (at the hospice) to tell them to not be afraid of death. Everyone has to walk this path."

"You must fight the cancer, and make friends with it," the plucky man said in Mandarin. 

It is this fearlessness that he wants to share with his 11 grandchildren, in the message he left them in the legacy video he recorded on Dec 28, 2023: "Be brave. If you want to do something, don't be afraid to do it as long as you don't break the law. We must be responsible for our own actions."

Making a legacy video

Wings volunteer Teresa Teo, 67, who produced the video for Mr Ong, wants to help ordinary people leave something behind for their families. "Every life is precious. Everybody has a chance to document their life," she said.

Such legacy videos also help bridge the gap between the young and old, as a slice of family history that can be accessed digitally, and help the younger generation appreciate their elders more, said another Wings volunteer, Ms Pearlie Ow, 73. 

She and Ms Teo have both created their own family websites to share memories through photos and videos.

Both are among the 17 senior digital ambassadors at Wings who help to produce legacy videos, in addition to sharing the digital skills they have learnt through the workshops with other seniors at Wings.

Ms Lee Foong Ming, manager of programme and volunteer management at Society for Wings, said the organisation will continue to make the videos. 

"Our Wings volunteers have been greatly touched by the responses of those featured in the legacy videos, as well as the responses of their family members. They have seen how the legacy videos they produced have helped preserve the emotional ties within a family and across generations," she said. 

Its Digital for Life grant has ended, but Wings has applied to the National Silver Academy for funding support so that it can continue to offer legacy video workshops at subsidised fees to women aged 50 and above, she said.

When Wings offered to produce legacy videos for the patients at Oasis@Outram, the day hospice jumped at the idea, Ms Lee said.

Ms Boey Lai Hsia, the centre manager for Oasis@Outram, said that eight videos have been completed, with five more on the way.

The response has been very positive, and she hopes the initiative can be extended to another day hospice under HCA Hospice, called Kang Le, as well as to home hospice patients.

"The essence of these legacy videos lies in drawing out stories and unforgettable memories from terminally ill patients, and stitching them together into a video," she said.

In December 2023, HCA Hospice helped to arrange its first-ever living funeral for a young patient, in her 30s, under its home hospice programme.

About 40 attended the cosy gathering of friends, held at the patient's home, with home-cooked food and live music from one of the patient's favourite local musicians, said HCA communications manager Jemin Chua.

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Guests were also invited to write a letter to the patient, who died not long after the funeral.

"Her motivation behind this 'funeral', beyond reconnecting with her friends, was to normalise the idea of death and dying among those who mattered most to her," said Ms Chua.

"Death is a natural part of life and ought to be discussed and prepared for, as we would for a new life." 

Be they living funerals for dying individuals to celebrate their final journeys, or legacy videos that help capture the essence of one's life, these acts can help to enrich the lives of the next generation.

Inheritance money can be spent, said Ms Teo, but with a website of memories, "I leave them something that money cannot replace".

This article was first published in The Straits Times. Permission required for reproduction.