If there's anything that comforts Felix (not his real name) during his time behind bars in Changi Prison Complex, it is the love he is receiving from his family.

But one visit from his four-year-old daughter felt "like a knife to my heart".

"She showed me her finger. She got bitten [by a friend] at childcare," 36-year-old Felix tells AsiaOne while choking back his tears. "I'm not even there to protect [and comfort] her. What kind of father am I?

"A father who cannot protect his child… To me, that's not a father at all."

Felix's daughter was only eight months old when he was sentenced in 2021 to six years' imprisonment for drug trafficking.

The man shares that his child still calls him "papa", but he wonders how long that will last.

"She doesn't really know I'm her father," he says.

'I said sorry'

The Covid-19 pandemic has not been kind to Felix, who was laid off from his carpentry job in 2020.

Desperate to provide for his young family, the man tried looking for alternative sources of income, before his previous "friends" came calling with a job offer - trafficking drugs.

While Felix shared that he had taken drugs such as ketamine, cocaine and heroin since his teens, the temptation to traffic drugs was too hard to resist.

"I earned more and more money, and I didn't realise the danger was there," Felix says.

"My wife never asked where I got the money from... She didn't even know I had lost my job."

Felix shared that he was under the influence of drugs at that time and was unable to "think clearly" of the harm he was causing to other abusers and their families.

Eventually, the law caught up with Felix. After just a few weeks of trafficking drugs, he was found with 50 grams of meth, 50 pieces of ecstasy, cannabis, and various drug paraphernalia.

Felix remembers calling his wife for the first time after his arrest.

"I just said [sorry to her]," he says. "I felt like my whole world had crashed on me."

Last chance

Felix, who once owned an eatery in Malaysia, is a foodie by heart.

So, it was not surprising that it took a while for him to get used to prison life.

"The food I have here is really jia lat (terrible)," Felix says without mincing his words. "It's the first time I cried over food."

He also shed tears when his wife and young daughter came to visit him.

"My kid just knew how to call me 'papa'," Felix says. "I remembered the first thing my wife said to me was 'what's [the point of] marriage if there's no trust?'

"I realised that I had done something very wrong."

Determined to make amends, Felix is currently studying for a Normal Technical level certificate.

And he plans to open a hawker stall after his release from prison in 2024 after winning a culinary competition held in Changi Prison Complex last July.

"I'm not going to lie, I never liked studying," Felix admits. "But during the past few months, I got to make friends and share with each other [our problems].

"My wife still supports me by bringing my daughter to visit me. She told me that I was on my last chance to go back on the [right] path.

Reflecting on his time in prison, Felix shared that he regrets not being there for his daughter during her growing-up years.

"There were times I couldn't sleep at night because I didn't know what she's doing outside," he said. "So, I can just guess and send her a message and she'll reply a few days later.

"This reminds me of how family is important to me."

'Don't even start'

The number of drug busts remained high over the past year, as trafficking syndicates adapted and found novel ways to bring drugs into Singapore.

Statistics released by the Central Narcotics Bureau (CNB) showed a significant jump in cannabis seized- from 107.08kg in 2021 to 133.41kg in 2023.

CNB also shared that drugs with a total estimated street value of $16.66 million were seized in 2022, including 68.22kg of heroin and 28.15kg of Ice.

Many of the young cannabis users were new abusers of the drug. CNB said that of the new cannabis abusers arrested in 2022, 70 per cent were below the age of 30.

Reflecting on his time in prison, Felix tells AsiaOne that he's sharing his story to warn youths against dabbling in drugs.

The promise of "getting rich" by selling drugs is just an illusion, he says, adding that it's not worth it.

"What I'm going through now… The pain is enough [for me] to tell my daughter that she must never get involved in drugs," he says.

"Don't even start. Once you do so, you'll get into more [trouble]... The drugs will control you."

ALSO READ: This former drug addict is now a Thai food hawker who wants to help ex-offenders get their lives back on track

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chingshijie@asiaone.com

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