Phone sex is the art of turning your partner on using just your voice. Making sexually suggestive remarks, asking your man what he likes in bed, and letting him in on your sexual fantasies are all things that can spice up your sex life and leave you lusting after each other.

​Phone sex is most effective when it’s spontaneous or unplanned, when you’re both in a relaxed and playful mood, and when you know for sure that you’re not going to be experiencing any interruptions.

Patience is important when having phone sex. Just as you wouldn’t rush through foreplay before making love, you’ll want to take your time teasing each other using just words and your voices to create a sexy and intimate mood.

Martha Lee, clinical sexologist at Eros Coaching, says that one of the best things about having phone sex is that you’re free to let your imagination run wild – so don’t be afraid to let your man in on your hottest sexual thoughts and perhaps even create a sexy persona for yourself.

“As phone sex involves lot of teasing and helps build up the sexual excitement between two people, your conversation will likely lead to intense and passionate in-person sex,” she adds.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to having great phone sex:

1. Create the perfect setting

Phone sex is more enjoyable when you’re feeling comfortable and relaxed. So dim the lights, get cosy on the couch or the bed, turn off the TV, and make sure that the room is as quiet as possible (try not to play any music because this may drown out the sound of your voice).

2. Eliminate device distractions

The fewer distractions you have, the better you’ll be able to focus on the conversation. Turn off all notifications on your smartphone and tablet, and don’t take any other calls that come through while you’re talking to your man.

3. Talk softly

Using your normal voice is likely to kill the mood. If you want to keep things sexy and sensual, it’s best to lower your voice and whisper (make sure you’re still audible, though).

4. Speak slowly

Your partner should be able to catch everything you’re saying, so pay attention to the pace of the conversation. It’s also hard for you and your partner to feel relaxed or aroused if you talk too fast.

5. Focus on your partner

Remember to stay in control of the conversation. And stay on track. Keep your attention on him the whole time – don’t be tempted to talk about work, the kids or other people.

Phone sex tips for the shy

Phone sex comes naturally for some people but if you are shy or just don’t know how to initiate or ease into the conversation, here are a few ideas.

6. Kick things off with sexy text

A couple of hours before you get on the phone with your man, be sure to send him a sexy text or selfie. Your aim is to grab his attention and get him excited about talking to you.

Martha suggests saying something like “I wish you were here to touch / kiss / lick my (insert body part)” or mentioning something you saw or read that made you think about him. Alternatively, you could leave him a sexy voice message.

7. Drop hints

You don’t have to launch into the graphic details right away. Martha advises you to start out slow, with phrases like “I’ve been thinking about you” or “I wish you were here with me”. Once you feel comfortable with how the conversation is going, you can move on to naughtier-sounding phrases.

8. Avoid giggling or laughing

Phone sex is a lot of fun; just don’t treat it like a joke. It’s tempting to want to burst out laughing if your husband says something silly or suggests doing something you are too embarrassed to do, but laughing at him – or worse, reprimanding him – will only kill the sexy mood.

Instead, you can say something like, “Hmmm… that sounds really hot. Maybe we can talk about it when we see each other”.

For hotter phone sex

Sexy lines are good enough, but if you want to really heat things up, steal these tips:

10. Touch yourself – and make sure he knows it

Masturbating while talking to your man can help make you feel sexier. Be sure to tell him what you’re doing every step of the way – it will drive him crazy knowing that you’re pleasuring yourself to the sound of his voice.

If you want to get him really hot, ask him exactly where he wants you to touch yourself.

11. Throw in some heavy breathing

Not too much, of course ­– just enough to let your partner know that you’re getting super excited. It wouldn’t hurt to add a couple of soft moans and gasps.

12. Get graphic

Instead of hinting at how you’re feeling and how your body is reacting, you may want to give your man more details.

For instance, instead of saying “You’re really turning me on right now”, say, “The way you’re talking is making me want to lose control. I’m so aroused right now, I wish you were here so that we could make love”. You can even describe what you’re wearing – that visual description is bound to make him go nuts.

This article was first published in Her World Online.