5 Singapore couples share how Covid-19 has impacted parenting

Earlier last month, a first-of-its-kind study called The Parenting Index gave us all a peek into global post-pandemic parenting experiences.

According to the study, a third of new parents globally felt lonely, despite living in a hyper-connected world. The data even found that the most significant universal factor was pressure.

The research further explained that new parents had little control over ‘pressure’ but it had the biggest impact, contributing to 23 per cent of the overall Parenting Index score.

In addition, the researchers also found that “new parents felt some form of internal and external pressure including judgement from others (for instance, from social media), unexpected realities of parenting, and guilt from self-criticism”. 

While this study came as no surprise to many parents who felt the post-pandemic parenting pressure, it also highlighted how newer parents were surprisingly “feeling more mutual support including increased social cohesion and having a sense of belonging.”

So we decided to dig more and get some insights from new Singaporean parents on how they felt about post-pandemic parenting.

Post-pandemic parenting experiences of five Singaporean parents

theAsianparent spoke to five new Singaporean parents on how they have been coping with caring for their little ones post-pandemic and whether they agreed with this eye-opening study. 

1. Sherwin Teo, 29, father to a 14-month-old boy

TAP: How has the pandemic has affected your relationship and what lessons have you learnt from being new parents during the pandemic? 

Teo: Unless you absolutely have no choice, always try to put work aside and spend meal times with family. Because I lived in a small apartment, I realised that it can be quite rude that I’m working on the same table as my family during lunch. 

Of course, being a parent is a full-time job when you are WFH during the pandemic. It is very difficult to juggle having two full-time jobs. But having a good relationship with your partner makes it so much easier.

I couldn’t have done it without my wife and over the course of the pandemic, we have grown closer as a family. 

TAP: How has been your personal experience parenting in Singapore? 

Teo: After being a dad, it was only then that I started to realise and analyse how other Singaporean parents raise their kids, how we were raised, how some grandparents are so involved with the upbringing of their grandchildren rather than allowing the parents to raise the kid their way. 

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It made me understand how every family has its own way of doing things.

Having a baby with someone who isn’t from Singapore brought a lot of difference to the usual plate that we are used to.

Because it was our first kid, everything was new. There was always something to learn from every experience with raising a kid.

We decided to raise our kid the way we want to, and not how society deems correct or not.

At the end of the day, we want what’s best for the kid but it’s how you deliver the message that counts. So far, there have been ups and downs. We have made mistakes and learnt from them.

We have tried many things and figured out what’s okay or not. We take every advice from people with a pinch of salt because we know that every kid is different and what might work for their child might not for ours. 

It’s not about pleasing other people, but learning about what works best for your child.

TAP: How do you relate to the results revealed in The Parenting Index?

Teo: The results say 51 per cent of parents feel intense social pressure on how they raise their babies: I probably started out at 51 per cent but I quickly figured out that it isn’t healthy and possible to keep up with other people’s expectations on how we raise our kid so I decided to leave that majority. 

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As for 43 per cent of parents believing becoming a parent was more difficult than they thought, I think it is definitely a daunting task to be a parent.

But after all those sleepless nights, all the crying and all the diaper changing, there’s always a beautiful smile at the end of the storm, reminding you why it’s amazing to be a parent. 

All in all, I am not in any conflict with the key findings of the study. As a Singaporean parent, I am able to relate with the factors that impact parents around the world today.

2. Abigail Lam, 31, mother to an 8-month-old girl

TAP: Has Covid-19 restricted access to healthcare for your child? 

Lam: Not really, but we do think twice about visiting the doctor when our child is sick, for fear that she will be in an environment where she might get Covid-19 while in the waiting room.

TAP: Were there any resources available to help you with your journey as a new parent, especially during the pandemic? 

Lam: We have been extremely blessed to be able to work from home since her birth – being able to breastfeed her directly has been great, as my little one didn’t like drinking from the bottle. WFH helped to ease the pressure of ensuring she drinks from the bottle to get her necessary nutrition.

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TAP: How has your parenting style evolved post-pandemic?  

Lam: Parenthood has been an absolute joy! Watching her grow and learn a little more every day is such a wonderful experience.

We delight and celebrate in the smallest of things because every small achievement is quite a milestone in her tiny life.

We are lucky to have parents who are very supportive and willing to take care of our little one whenever we need help.

So, the government scheme of encouraging young couples to stay near their parents was a good move and we benefited greatly from this.  

Nonetheless, parenting in Singapore can be a challenge especially since we have access to a wealth of information. It takes a bit to comprehend, digest and know which sources of information to trust, and especially as a new mum – it was like learning a new language altogether.  

I learnt to be appreciative of all the time I get with my little one through working from home – something that many others didn’t have the opportunity to experience.  

TAP: Do you agree with the results revealed in The Parenting Index?

Lam: Complete agree especially with Supportive Environment, Shared Parenting and Absence of Pressure. A supportive environment allowed me to enjoy life as a mother, but also as an individual.

Work from home scheme also allowed my husband to be more involved in raising the little one. He helps with changing her diapers in the morning while I sleep in!

For sure, pressure and competitiveness is apparent in Singapore, but I would like to think that because of Covid-19, we have all become more appreciative and treasure life a lot more.

3. Anubhav Agarwal, 30 Srajna Lath, 32, parents to a 4-month-old girl

TAP: Has the Covid-19 pandemic affected your parenting style?  

Agarwal: We had complete and easy healthcare access during Covid. There were plenty of resources available to help us guide on our journey as new parents especially around healthcare.  

The work from home guidelines over the last year actually helped ease the physical stress of pregnancy by allowing Anubhav to help out at home a lot more and also giving me more time to rest during the day.

ALSO READ: Consistent bedtime routines help children's sleep self-control

TAP: What has been your personal experience parenting in Singapore? Any lessons learnt from being new parents during the pandemic? 

Agarwal: Parenting is the most emotionally and physically demanding job in the world but also the most rewarding. Being a new parent in Singapore during this pandemic is actually a blessing.

With the strict Covid-19 measures and control in the Covid-19 numbers, we are able to take our baby out for walks and activities without any stress.

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Travel restrictions for visitors have prevented families from visiting.

As new parents, that has forced us to figure out a lot of the early parenting on our own, for which we would have otherwise relied on our parents.

TAP: Do you relate to the results revealed on The Parenting Index?

Agarwal: I agree with the results revealed on The Parenting Index. We have financial resilience and do not feel the social pressure of raising our daughter a certain way. 

But the relatively low maternity and paternity leaves are definitely a point of concern for us. I am worried about how my daughter will cope without me as I return to work full time. 

4. Cordelia Low, mother to a 12-month-old girl

TAP: Has the Covid-19 pandemic changed the way you look after your girl?  

Low: Covid-19 has not restricted access to healthcare for my child. Yes, the job support scheme was available for the self-employed but it was minimal. Healthcare resources were widely available.

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TAP: What has been your personal experience parenting in Singapore? 

Low: It takes a village to raise a child! I’m very happy that I have my in-laws to help, and it is also great that my husband is quite hands-on. 

It has changed my entire life actually, having to be a caretaker and being responsible for a tiny human!

Certain parenting traits, for example, doing BLW (baby-led weaning) seems to be a trend but a lot of people don’t realise that it can be a choking hazard and it can be dangerous!

TAP: What lessons have you learnt from being new parents during the Covid-19 pandemic?

Low: I would say that because of Covid, I spent a lot more time with my child and less time working. Which is great and I didn’t miss any milestones. Support is extremely important, be it family or fellow mama friends! 

TAP: Do you agree with this study?

Low: In relation to how the society has rallied to help parents face the challenge of Covid-19 and feeling mutual support during the pandemic. And yes, checking in via socials was great during the circuit breaker especially, having to meet via Zoom. 

5. Amy Tay, 35, mother to a 17-month-old girl

TAP: How has the Covid-19 pandemic affected your efforts to raise your daughter?  

Tay: The safe distancing measures have made it more difficult for both parents to be present at her (our baby, Victoria) medical appointments.

There were several occasions when only one of us could be present to accompany her, which has made it more difficult logistically, and more difficult to talk to the healthcare personnel.

The parent present would have to call the other parent and convey the doctor’s questions to the other parent, and then convey the other parent’s responses back to the doctor.

TAP: How has your post-pandemic parenting experiences been in Singapore? 

Tay: We are glad that the Singapore Government provides free childhood vaccinations and developmental assessments at the Polyclinics in such a systematic manner.

We know exactly when Victoria’s vaccinations are due, and the developmental assessments help to let us know whether she is on the right track in her  development. 

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Being new parents during a pandemic has led us to really take extra precaution, and step up our cleaning and hygiene practices.

One of the additional precautions we are taking include showering after each trip out of our home. This is more time consuming and resource intensive, but we feel that it is necessary.

TAP: Do you agree with the results of the study on post-pandemic parenting? 

Tay: I certainly identified with the part about the internal pressures of being a parent. 

Since we are first time parents who had no prior experience at all with caring for a child, there were times when we felt inadequate and grossly inexperienced.

There was a lot of pressure with needing to quickly transition into our new lifestyle as parents, and to quickly pick up all the required skills on the go.

This article was first published in theAsianparent.