'Feels like a healthier relationship': Singapore woman explains why a 'situationship' works best for her

Feb 14 is usually a tricky date for couples to navigate.

Is it best to go all-out extravagant or keep the Valentine's Day celebrations simple?

Someone who doesn't have to bother too much about all this is Melanie*, and it's not because she's single. 

Instead, she is currently in a "situationship" with her partner.

According to Healthline, a situationship refers to a "romantic relationship that's undefined or uncommitted".

If you've not heard, this label is in trend, according to Tinder's 2022 round-up at least.  

Its Year in Swipe shares the top flirt flexes of the year, from new relationship labels to dating trends.

Going by Tinder's 2022 Year in Swipe, 50 per cent of dating app users in Singapore said they were in the mood for "casual dating".

Melanie explains how a situationship differs from a normal relationship and how living in this supposed grey area of dating is doing her just fine.

Partner, not couple

"It's like when you are actually going out with someone but it's not official," the 24-year-old sales associate tells AsiaOne.

At this stage, there might be some with raised eyebrows who may jump the gun and immediately label this a hookup.

Melanie would disagree, adding that situationships are much more complex and should not be considered hookups or flings, which may sometimes bring negative connotations.

Having experienced both ends of the spectrum (hookups and relationships), Melanie mentions how a situationship is "clearly different".

"We are hanging out as partners but without a clear status."

During our chat, I used the term "couple" in reference to her situationship. Little did I know that this was wrong. Melanie politely corrected me and suggested I refer to them as "partners" instead.

When Melanie met Alex

They've been seeing each other for about six months now. This was after a mutual friend pulled some strings for their first meet-up at a drinking place. 

The meetup must have gone down a treat as Alex* alerted the mutual friend that he'd like to get to know Melanie better.

We've all watched enough romcoms to predict what happens next, right? Well, not quite.

Melanie and Alex hung out a couple more times and it wasn't long before they sat down to have an honest chat about potentially settling into a situationship.

Alex is in his late 20s and this attracted Melanie as she's only dated men of the same age or younger than her.

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At this juncture of our conversation, the burning question in our mind is "why situationships?" 

Melanie talks about personal independence and having the choice to "not commit to a serious relationship". 

From her point of view, the benefits of a situationship outweigh that of a conventional relationship.

She delves deeper into topics like freedom and sacrifice.

"Both of us want to have our own lives, in a way, [to] focus on work or earning money," Melanie adds.

On the issue of sacrifice while being in a relationship, she did get noticeably iffy while stumbling through her thoughts in an attempt to word them.

"We probably do not really want to sacrifice..."

Melanie stopped mid-sentence before correcting herself.

She calls her situationship a choice to avoid "unnecessary problems" that may arise in a conventional relationship.

"We know it's not committed so we can still do our own stuff without feeling bad."

Are we exclusive?

Melanie laughs before providing an answer to this question. One wonders how often she's had to respond to such a question.

It is a valid one though.

A type of relationship that's non-committal and undefined in nature, what does this mean when it comes to boundaries in a situationship?

"I think it's case by case. [For me], we've clearly placed the boundaries. Like what to do and not to do. But I think some others might be just non-exclusive. So it really depends," she says.

In the grand scheme of things, she considers herself rather lenient when it comes to no-gos.

"I don't really care much. I mean, don't have any intercourse activities with another person. That's basically it for me," she says bluntly.

Her partner is slightly more "protective". He'd get uncomfortable if Melanie were to be seen hugging or holding hands with another man.

While Melanie and Alex set out the boundaries clearly, exclusivity can cause tension in other situationships.

Intimacy coach Dr Angela Tan tells Her World that misunderstandings can occur when expectations aren't clear.

Her suggestion is to set expectations upfront and "make sure that the person you are dating feels the same way".

Let the haters hate

Dealing with outside pressures has, maybe surprisingly, not been too big a challenge for Melanie.

She brushes off prying questions by labelling Alex a friend. Even then, some friends don't take her word for it. 

If the questions keep coming, she brings out the term "situationship" to help settle everyone down.

She feels it's easier to just use the term as opposed to "explaining everything".

Close friends and loved ones may not always fully understand but they will back off at some point and respect her choices. 

Among her social circle, she isn't the only one to dabble in situationships.

"I think it's getting more normalised. Or maybe it's just [within] my group of friends. Whereby we don't really want to commit to a relationship but want someone in our life," she says.

Melanie concludes that her current situationship simply "feels like a healthier relationship". 

To those judging from afar, Melanie doesn't take their opinions all that seriously.

"I don't really care what people think [of my situationship] because it's just their assumption anyway. They don't know what's real."

*Pseudonyms were used in the article to protect the identities of the individuals.

ALSO READ: 5 intimacy card games to spice things up this Valentine's Day

amierul@asiaone.com

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