Grieving parents: How to comfort someone who had a miscarriage?

Miscarriage is a heartbreaking experience that can leave someone isolated, vulnerable, and overwhelmed. As a friend or family member, it's natural to want to provide comfort, but not everyone knows how to approach the situation.

Grief is a deeply personal process, and it's easy to unwittingly say or do something that upsets the person who has lost a pregnancy.

The truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for comforting someone who has had a miscarriage, but there are steps you can take to support them while they heal.

In this blog post, we'll explore how to comfort someone who has had a miscarriage with sensitivity and compassion. We'll begin by acknowledging the reality of the situation and the importance of validating their emotions.

We'll examine the common responses to miscarriage, including the stages of grief, the intensity of feelings, and the impact on relationships.

1. Acknowledge the person's loss

When comforting someone who has had a miscarriage, it is crucial to acknowledge their loss.

It is essential to remember that they have gone through significant emotional and physical trauma, and they need to know that their feelings are valid and that they are not alone.

Acknowledge that the loss is real and that it is okay to grieve.

Use compassionate and empathetic language, and allow them to express their emotions freely without judgment.

Simply being present and providing a listening ear can go a long way in comforting them during this difficult time.

2. Avoid cliches, such as 'everything happens for a reason'

When comforting someone who has experienced a miscarriage, it is important to avoid cliches that may come across as dismissive or trivialising of their emotions.

Some common phrases, such as "everything happens for a reason," can be particularly hurtful as they offer a simple and unsatisfactory explanation for a complex and devastating experience.

It is important to remember that each individual's grief and healing process is unique and that your role as a supportive friend or family member is to listen and empathise rather than offer platitudes or easy explanations.

By avoiding cliches and instead offering sincere condolences and a listening ear, you can help provide comfort and support to someone who is experiencing a deep loss.

3. Listen and allow them to express their feelings

Experiencing a miscarriage can be an extremely traumatic event in someone's life.

As a supportive friend or family member, it's important to comfort and empathises with the individual who has gone through this heartbreaking loss.

One essential step in providing comfort is listening to the person and allowing them to express their feelings. It's crucial to create a space where they can talk openly and share their emotions without feeling judged or dismissed.

Listen attentively to everything they're saying and show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings. It's essential to avoid interrupting, offering solutions or advice, or belittling their emotions.

Giving them the opportunity to express themselves can be therapeutic for them and help them to process their emotions in a healthy way.

4. Offer practical help, such as running errands or cooking meals

Experiencing a miscarriage can be a difficult and emotional time for couples.

As a friend or family member, one way to comfort someone who had a miscarriage is by offering practical help.

This includes running errands, like grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, or dropping off and picking up children from school.

Cooking meals and offering to clean their home can also be thoughtful gestures during this time.

These practical activities can alleviate some of the stress that comes with day-to-day responsibilities, allowing the individual and their partner the time and space they need to grieve.

It is important to ask the individual what kind of help would be most beneficial to them and respect their decision if they choose not to accept any assistance.

5. Respect the person's wishes and privacy

In order to provide comfort to someone who has experienced a miscarriage, it is important to respect their wishes and privacy. Everyone deals with grief differently, and some individuals may want to keep their experiences private.

Therefore, it is imperative to ask the person what they are comfortable sharing and not push them to talk about their experience.

If they choose to share it with you, listen actively and offer support without judgment or criticism.

Additionally, refrain from sharing their personal information with others without their consent.

It is important to provide a safe and supportive environment while respecting their privacy during this difficult time.

6. Avoid talking about your own miscarriage experiences unless asked

When comforting someone who has had a miscarriage, it's important to tread carefully and be sensitive to their emotions.

One important tip for providing support is to avoid talking about your own experiences unless the person specifically asks for them.

Your experiences may not necessarily be helpful or relevant to their individual situation and could end up causing unintentional harm or discomfort.

Instead, focus on listening actively and offering words of empathy and support.

Be present and validate their feelings, letting them know that they are not alone in their grief.

By following this tip and being mindful of the person's needs, you can help them navigate this difficult time in a compassionate and comforting way.

7. Be patient and understanding

When supporting someone who had a miscarriage, it is important to remember that grief and healing take time.

Be patient and understand that the person may not be ready to talk or share their feelings immediately.

It is important to create a safe space for them to express themselves when they feel comfortable.

It is also important to recognise that there is no "right way" to feel or cope with this experience.

Allow the person to grieve in their own way without judgment or expectation. Remind them that you are there for them and will support them throughout this process.

By staying patient and understanding, you can help provide much-needed comfort and support for someone who has experienced this loss.

8. Offer support in the weeks and months to come

If someone close to you has experienced a miscarriage, it is important to understand that grief is a personal journey and does not have a timeline. In the immediate aftermath of the miscarriage, profound sadness and shock may be prominent.

However, the weeks and months following a loss can be challenging for many, as feelings of grief and sadness can resurface unexpectedly.

As someone offering support, it is important to let the person know that you are available to listen and provide support during this time.

It can also be helpful to check in with them periodically and remember important dates such as what would have been the due date or pregnancy-related milestones.

Simply offering a listening ear and acknowledging that the healing process takes time can make a significant difference in helping someone come to terms with their grief.

In conclusion, comforting someone who had a miscarriage requires empathy, compassion, and sensitivity.

It's a delicate situation that should be approached with care, and there's no one 'right' way to do it. The most important thing is to be there for your loved one, listen to them, and acknowledge their grief.

Offer your support in whatever way they need it, and remind them that they're not alone.

With time, healing can begin, and your kindness and empathy can make all the difference in helping them through this difficult time.

ALSO READ: How men can support their partners after a miscarriage

This article was first published in theAsianparent.