'I can't pay them back': Singapore couple foots $28k surgery bill for Filipina helper of 30 years diagnosed with cancer

It's rare these days to be working in the same job for long — but how about 30 years?

When Filipino helper Teodora "Dora" Millado first came to work for the Ho family in 1992, never did she imagine she would find in them a life-long employer.

We meet 65-year-old Dora and her employers Serene, 60, and Henry, 65, at their home in the East, where the couple reside with their 30-year-old son, Arthur, who was born with cerebral palsy. 

Taking care of Arthur, who has to be pushed around in a wheelchair, is a job Dora has handled since he was born.

"I've been with him from day one, and he can't sleep without me around," shares Dora of their close bond. To strangers whom they meet, she even refers to him as her "son".

Wherever Arthur goes, Dora follows, according to his dad Henry, who works as a logistics manager.

But for the past 14 years, it's not just Dora who has helped to care for Arthur.

In the most unusual of circumstances, Dora's daughter-in-law Maricar, 37, joined her in working for the Ho family in 2009.

"We decided to have a second helper because my son was getting heavier and Dora cannot manage by herself," Serene shares.

Dora was the one who suggested that her daughter-in-law work here, to which both the latter and the couple agreed.

"Even though Maricar is able to handle Arthur by herself, we also don't want to stress her too much," says Serene, who works in customer service.

"Carrying Arthur, who weighs 48kg, up and down and into the bathroom requires a lot of strength. It will definitely put a strain on her back," she shares, adding that she is no longer able to carry Arthur on her own anymore for the same reason.

Brush with cancer

Besides the concern for both helpers' welfare, it is clear that the relationship between the helpers and Serene and Henry goes beyond the strict boundaries of employee and employer.

When Dora was stricken with breast cancer back in 2019 at the age of 62, the Singaporean couple paid for her operation and treatment back in the Philippines.

Not only that, they continued to foot the monthly foreign worker levy throughout the eight months that she was not able to work, just in case she felt well enough to return. Her monthly expenses during those months of recuperation were also fully covered by Serene and Henry.

"I didn't have to spend a single cent of my money," Dora shares.

Serene explains that as the operation "would have been quite costly" in Singapore for a foreigner, they figured that the best option was to have her undergo the surgery in Manila.

Even then, the Hos spared no expense, forking out around $28,000 for the operation alone.

When Maricar, too, found a lump in her breast back in 2016, the Hos helped to arrange for the removal of the non-cancerous mass, with the operation in Singapore costing about $7,000. 

Upon making a full recovery after eight months, Dora chose to return to Singapore and continued working for the family.

Dora is overwhelmed with emotion when she talks about the kindness that Serene and Henry have shown her — not only through her brush with cancer but also over the decades.

"I'm very lucky, if not for them, I'd be under the ground already," she says, choking back tears. "They're very kind, I can't pay them back," she repeats later on.

We ask why retirement wasn't an option for Dora back then. 

"I'll miss him (Arthur). The main purpose is to go back and look after him, and I'll need the money also, in case I go back to the Philippines one day, " is her simple reply.

"We actually wanted her to rest for longer, but after eight months she told us that she felt bored and decided to come back, so I bought a ticket for her," says Serene, who describes their relationship as that of a family.

In fact, Dora shares that she and Maricar don't have a fixed day off per week because they head out with Arthur at least two or three times a week for his therapies, including the weekend.

"Arthur loves to take the MRT, which is why my employers will also provide our transport allowance when we go out," says Dora of the $50 to $100 pocket money they'll be given on those days.

"They've travelled to more parts of Singapore more than us," Serene quips, adding that both helpers lead the way whenever the family goes out.

Sponsoring trips for helpers' family

The Ho's generosity extends to Dora's family back in Philippines as well.

Henry shares that during a trip back to Dora and Maricar's hometown in Luzon province to visit their extended family, he chartered a bus to bring the entire clan along for an excursion.

In fact, during our interview in December, we got to meet Dora's younger daughter, 35, and Maricar's 18-year-old son, who were in Singapore for a month-long holiday, all sponsored by the very generous Hos.

"Every two years, we would ask Dora if her family wants to come over," Serene shares. While here, they will stay with the family and their trip and expenses would also be covered by them.

Besides going on regular cruises with the family, Dora and Maricar would also tag along on overseas holidays with the Hos as well, mostly to nearby destinations. During Dora's daughter and grandson's recent visit, the entire family went to Genting for a short trip.

In fact, Dora shares that both helpers never have to dip into their savings at all. The couple have also encouraged them to save their money by setting up savings accounts in their names.

No rules nor restrictions

While we have heard of how helpers here are not permitted to use their mobile phones during the day, Dora and Marica have no such restrictions. They do not have a fixed wake time either.

As for sleeping arrangements, both of them prefer to sleep in the living room of the Hos' two-plus-one bedroom condominium. They turn on the air-conditioning and can even watch TV before bedtime.

Dora and Maricar are given free rein of everything in the home, including the kitchen, and can decide on what to cook for the family on days that they all eat in — which is about three times week.

Nothing is off limits to them, including expensive seafood. Arthur, we're told, is especially fond of abalones, which the helpers would partake in as well.

The couple admit that people close to them have expressed surprise at how well their helpers are treated.

Henry explains that the main prerogative for hiring Dora from the start, was simply to look after Arthur.

Before Maricar arrived, Serene even did the household chores such as mopping the floor and cleaning the toilets, or she'd hire part-time help for what she couldn't manage.

Over the years, things around the home run on autopilot almost.

"We have our own initiative, they don't have to say 'do this or that', we will just do it on our own," shares Dora of the system she and her daughter-in-law have established to get everything done, plus take care of Arthur.

But we'd imagine that friction between family members is unavoidable, much less between a mother and daughter-in-law.

Dora is realistic about the situation, explaining: "We can't escape (the occasional quarrel) because sometimes we have misunderstandings; but after a while it's okay."

'I'm happy that she loves my son'

Still, theirs is a life that many of their foreign domestic worker friends envy. So much so that some have requested to be Dora's replacement should she ever return home.

For Dora, retiring for good is not something that she thinks about.

She plans to continue working for the Hos as long as she is able to. However, the couple have told her that they are only able to employ her as long as Henry is still working.

Says Serene: "We have explained to her that once my husband stops working or if the Ministry of Manpower won't extend her work permit, then she has to go back."

"With my income alone, I cannot have two helpers," says Serene, who declined to reveal their household income. 

'Much better than my own family'

Just like family, Dora's feelings factor too, in their decision to keep her here. That and her "close bonding" with Arthur, Serene tells us.

"At this current moment when we are still capable of hiring two helpers, we will still keep her. We do not want her to feel sad or have the misunderstanding that since she is old, we do not want to keep her.

"I'm happy that she loves my son," she adds.

For the couple, it has never crossed their minds that what they do for their helpers is out of the ordinary.

"It never struck us to deduct the medical bills from their salaries; it's just like when a family member gets sick, we won't leave them to settle the bill on their own."

"People always say I pamper the two of them, but it's ok lah," Serene adds. "It's all in the family."

All in, Serene estimates that the couple's monthly expenses for the helpers and for Arthur come up to between $4,500 and $5,000.

The Hos and their helpers' shared bond is evident even in the unconventional manner in which they address one another. Serene follows her son in calling Dora "nanay" ("mother" in Tagalog) and Maricar "jiejie" ("sister" in Mandarin) while both helpers too, like Arthur, call their employers "mummy" and "daddy".

To Dora, her employers and Arthur are more than family.

"I'm so sorry to say this, but they (Serene and Henry) are much better than my own family," shares Dora tearing up once again, "they are not my flesh and blood but they take care of me".

"If you're working with an employer that's good, no matter how tired you are, you're still happy."

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candicecai@asiaone.com

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