'I wanted to push the aircon out and jump down with it': Entrepreneur's epic meltdown changed his life... for the better

In his 30s and at the peak of his life and career, Daniel Lim's world unravelled in dramatic fashion, while on holiday in New York, no less.

It ended with him throwing up and screaming incoherently at the Guggenheim Museum, before he was put on an emergency flight back to Singapore. 

The trigger for the meltdown was an innocent confluence of factors — a bad case of the flu, a body drugged up by medication, and pre-vacation work stress — something many of us might have experienced.

But brewing unseen were years of living with an unhealthy mindset, providing the 'perfect' backdrop for everything to come together explosively at the end of 2012.

In a podcast which he co-hosts twice a month, the entrepreneur turned life coach shared that the first glimpse of what was to come occurred the moment he landed in New York.

Sudden spiral

Upon touching down in the city, Daniel puzzled over why the world around him appeared in dull, monochromatic tones, "like Gotham City".

Over the next few days, he experienced "mini waves of anxiety". Physically, his body had also started to revolt by refusing to keep food down.

The tipping point came one morning, when he remembered feeling "very harassed" by the noise of the rattling air-conditioning unit in his hotel room. Suddenly, he felt an urge to not only push it out of the window but also jump out along with it.

"I told myself I wanted to jump out because I wanted relief. I was so annoyed," he shared.

Catching himself harbouring that "nasty thought" made Daniel realise for the first time that he needed help. He tried to call someone but descended into panic when he realised he didn't know how to unlock his mobile phone. 

"I stared at the unlock button and I realised I didn't know what to do with the phone to unlock it. And I freaked out," he shared.

He didn't know what to do with the hotel phone either. 

Daniel finally managed to connect with a friend online through his laptop, and he was quickly booked on a return flight to Singapore. With that reassurance that he was going home, Daniel's body and mind relaxed and things returned to regular programming — or so he thought.

The last thing Daniel recalled of the whole trip was an outing to New York's famed Guggenheim Museum. He was laughing with friends one minute, and the next thing he knew, the ceiling was spinning above him. Till today, he has no recollection of what happened next.

According to what friends later told him, Daniel vomited thrice while at the museum and was in hysterics. The only coherent thing which came out of his mouth was "I want to go home!", which he yelled throughout the museum. "My friends thought I was possessed," he shared.

Next thing he knew, he was packed on an emergency flight back to Singapore, but Daniel doesn't even remember how he managed to get home.

"Mind-body dissociation"

Daniel had suffered what his therapist called a mind-body dissociation, which left him broken, physically and mentally.

Back at home, he lost control of his motor skills and bodily functions, which also meant wetting the bed on several occasions.

"That freaked me out because I realised I was very unwell," he shared. "I thought this was it, I have seen the bottom of the barrel of Daniel Lim."

Recovery took months, through therapy and lots of prescribed rest and "low-stimuli" activities.

Speaking to AsiaOne, the 45-year-old admitted that the scariest thing was that he had no inkling of what was stirring within.

In fact, at the point of his meltdown, the serial entrepreneur was riding on a high from his achievements and searching for the next feather in his cap.

He was running two successful digital businesses and negotiating a third and fourth set-up. "Outwardly and inwardly, everything in my world was unicorns and rainbows.

"That shows how f***ed up my perception was. I had totally wrong priorities. All I wanted was more, more, more."

His insatiable appetite for excess extended to his lifestyle. The former shopaholic could buy up to 20 pairs of shoes at a store he liked.

"I would buy so many things when I went on holiday that when I landed at Changi Airport, I would get taxed because they thought I was a wholesaler," Daniel laughed.

In his own mind, he thought he had it all and was thriving on the adrenaline, but little did he know that psychologically, he was unravelling.

"The way in which I worked, the manner in which I lived was very, very unhealthy.

"I was clocking two to three hours of sleep every day, and I felt sleep was a waste of time," he added.

"I continued to not pay attention to the signs that were already screaming, like the fatigue, the hives that kept breaking out, my heartburn. I didn't really think about whether something was wrong."

With help, Daniel recognised his troubled childhood had ingrained in him the constant need to overachieve, thanks to his 'tiger mum' and a dad who left the family when he was 10. The abandonment plunged the family into poverty almost overnight. Daniel, who has a younger brother, felt the responsibility to "step up" and take care of the family.

But today, he credits both his traumatic past and his mental breakdown as the "best things to happen" in his life.

On the advice of his therapist, Daniel shared his entire meltdown story on Facebook when he came out of recovery after six months. Almost immediately, friends began sharing with him how they too were struggling. 

"That was when I had this revelation that so many people are experiencing similar things. And on the outside, you cannot tell how people are suffering because they are so good at projecting (an image of normality)."

Redefining success

From splashing out $20,000 a month on his wardrobe and living life in the fast lane, Daniel's life is considerably pared down these days.

He wears T-shirts from Uniqlo, he has sold off his two cars as well as his house, and he can count the number of shoes that he has at home (around five pairs).

The breakdown has also made him someone who's more emotionally connected to himself and others. "I burst into tears very easily these days," he offered, sharing that he teared up simply from watching a moving orchestral performance the night before.

It has also led him to pursue another path in life — that of a mindset coach. He works with clients on a range of issues, from relationship problems to anxiety, helping those who are struggling in life or in their business.

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His youngest client is a 9-year-old with dreams of starting her own business, while his oldest clients are in their 50s. Many of them have attained their goals in life but find themselves lost. 

Success to Daniel now, he said, is the feeling of connection to others, and when he sees people thriving.

"I have done away with the word success, because I think success is a very archaic, old-fashioned thing that everyone's chasing."

"It's not that money is not important, but it's not how I measure my life," said Daniel, who revealed that financially, he's able to retire at this very moment, but isn't doing so because he's found his life purpose. 

"Success for me is time to call my own, freedom, autonomy, great health and vitality."

Worst thing in life is not failure

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After more than two years in coaching others on emotional management and mental hygiene, we asked Daniel for the secret to bullet-proof oneself from life's slingshots.

The answer came almost immediately.

"Other people can be whoever the f*** they want to be, and you have no control over them," he stated.

"The only person that you can control is yourself, and your own thinking. This is where our power lies."

He explained further, voice breaking:

"For people who are suffering, who feel trapped or suffocated, what I want to tell them is that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. The feeling we have towards the challenges in our lives is truly optional, don't give up.

"The worst thing that can happen in our lives is not failure, it's the emotion [of failure]. And you have a choice, even when you think you don't."

candicecai@asiaone.com