Being bullied in school? Here's how to respond

A 12-year-old student was allegedly attacked by another student earlier this month (Jan 7) - his fourth day in the school since starting secondary one.

The aggressor had allegedly used a plastic bottle to strike the victim's head, causing a 5cm long cut on the back of his head requiring stiches.

In 2021, another secondary student was allegedly ostracised as bullies forced other students to avoid her, according to a now-deleted Facebook post by her mum. The student ultimately took her own life in 2023. 

So, what steps can victims take when confronted with bullying?

James Chong, clinical director at The Lion Mind counselling service, advised victims to seek help from trusted adults like school counsellors or teachers, and file a police report if necessary.

"Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and taking action prevents further empowerment of the bully. It is crucial for victims to remember that they are not at fault for the bullying and that support is available," he told AsiaOne. 

Addressing bullying, he said, requires collective efforts from parents, teachers and classmates. And parents ought to take bullying seriously and report incidents to the school and, when necessary, the police.

Teachers, on the other hand, should foster a safe school environment by taking immediate action to stop bullying and ensuring support for affected students. Classmates can help by reporting incidents to school authorities, and ensuring that the victims are not left alone or isolated, he added. 

Parents must take bullying complaints seriously: Counsellor

However, some victims who seek help from their parents may not find what they're looking for, MindBear centre manager and counsellor Benny Low told AsiaOne. This is because some parents may brush off bullying as part of the pains of growing up.

"It's not a way to make your child stronger," he said, emphasising that parents should recognise it's harmful to teach children to ignore bullying.

In school, students should seek help by speaking to teachers or counsellors, or any adult that they are comfortable with, he said.

He added that the various stakeholders in a school - parents, teachers, principals and cleaners alike - should come together as a community and have a "common understanding of the seriousness of the issues involved".

"It can lead to extreme cases and dire straits if it's not handled properly," he cautioned.

'Victims may fear escalating the situation'

However, some victims may not want to seek help despite their predicament.

This is because they may not want to burden parents who may be busy with work, or because the school’s cultural environment or a lack of rapport with teachers may discourage them from reaching out, said Chong. 

"Victims may also fear escalating the situation or facing retaliation," he added.

And in some cases, the victims may not even realise that they are being bullied at all - they may think that bullying must be something "big", like getting physically hit, said Low. 

"Sometimes it comes from very small occasions of verbal bullying... over time it snowballs into something serious, and by then, they can't handle it anymore," he added.

Keeping quiet could be a kind of inner struggle for youth as they find their identity in society, and they may choose to hide their vulnerabilities, Low said.

He explained that some victims may see bullying as a sign of weakness and decide to keep suffering in silence, or they may see how their bullies have gotten away unpunished and become bullies themselves.

"I've been a secondary school teacher for about 22 years, and some of the students that I talk to who are bullies... they've been bullied before," he added.

"They may experience emotional rollercoasters, where they may not know what to do next. Sometimes, they might want help, but they don't know what to do or how to go about doing it."

Signs of one being bullied

Senior consultant and psychiatrist at the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) Lee Cheng told AsiaOne that those around a bully victim should look out for changes in behaviour, which may include an aversion towards school or reporting health problems to avoid school.

Victims may also have trouble sleeping or have nightmares when they rest, and have a tendency to withdraw from home and social contacts.

They may also exhibit sudden outbursts of rage or aggression, Lee said.

"Parents should watch out for some tell-tale signs of bullying such as torn school uniforms, significant academic deterioration and changes in eating habits," he added.

"Sometimes it may be difficult as victims may present with psychological symptoms such as moodiness, panic attacks, crying episodes or anger outbursts."

How schools respond to bullying

Schools also play a part in dealing with instances of bullying.

The Admiralty Secondary School's code of conduct lists bullying as a serious offence, putting it in the same category as assault and gangsterism.

"Each student offence will be considered on a case-by-case basis and appropriate consequences will be meted out with the aim of inculcating the desired behaviour in the student," the student handbook reads.

"The school will work with parents or guardians of the student in bringing about this change."

According to the St Joseph's Institution code of conduct, bullying is also considered a serious offence that may result in a warning letter, corrective work order, in-house suspension or caning.

Expulsion from school may also be considered if the circumstances warrant it.

In Maris Stella High School, bullying is a major offence and parents of the bully will be informed of their misconduct, according to their website.

The student may then face detention or in-school suspension, compulsory counselling or corporal punishment. Their conduct grade may also be affected.

Number of bullying incidents remain steady: Education minister

Education Minister Chan Chun Sing said in Parliament last October that the average number of bullying incidents has remained steady over the years. 

Per year, for every 1,000 students, there is an average of two incidents of bullying in primary schools, and six incidents in secondary school. These incidents cover all forms of bullying, both in and outside school, said Minister Chan.

"Students are today much more confident and willing and able to come forward to tell us what they have experienced," he stated, reported The Straits Times.

"Regardless of the complexity, we encourage all students to report instances (when) they feel that they have not been treated with respect or they feel unsafe, to let the school leaders know."

"We will work with parents and the community to try and... rehabilitate the perpetrators and also to take care of the physical and emotional needs of our children."

However, he said that the number of reported instances of online bullying is expected to "progressively rise", as children have wider exposure to online influences, and more people become aware of what cyber bullying looks like. 

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'Our schools take bullying seriously': MOE

In a Straits Times forum piece published on MOE's website last September, Deputy Director-General of Education for Schools and Director of Schools Tan Chen Kee stressed that bullying is not acceptable and has no place in our schools.

"Schools take educative, preventive and intervention measures to address bullying incidents," Tan said.

School rules and disciplinary frameworks are communicated to students, who should be aware of safe channels to report bullying and alert teachers where needed, he added.

When there are allegations of bullying, schools will investigate and counsel students involved.

Disciplinary actions will be taken so students understand that there are consequences to bullying and hurtful behaviour, Tan added.

He also stated: "When a child encounters bullying, parents play a crucial role in supporting their child by remaining calm, offering emotional support, reinforcing social and emotional skills to manage the situation, and working closely with the school."

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khooyihang@asiaone.com